Faith in the Journey

Big Ants

2011-06-14T15:40:00.003-06:00

We continue to be working on our backyard to get it in shape. Yard work isn't my favorite thing to do, but I enjoy doing it alongside my husband and getting some sun! Pulling weeds, digging out tree stumps, raking, hauling in dirt, planting grass....it's a big project!

If you're like me, you brace yourself for all the tiny bugs you'll see as you're moving wood or other things that little creatures like to live under. As I was moving a big log I went in with gloves on and was ready to brace myself and boy was I glad that I did! As I removed the log, there were hundreds of these big ants and the baby larva (I guess that's what ant babies are called). So, I went looking for the killer...ant killer that is! I sprayed and sprayed. As I watched these ants scramble all around trying to survive (sorry ants) I watched as they all gathered in one spot. That one spot was gathering all over the baby larva that hadn't yet hatched - for as these ants were all scattered everywhere at first, they all gathered to protect their little ones. I sat there in fasination as I watched them. These ants were dying, yet their first thought was to protect their young.

As a Mama, I can relate. I would do anything to protect my children. But let's look at this on an even bigger scale, for as I was watching them I felt the Lord bring to my mind a reminder of what He did for me. Jesus died on the cross for me....covering my life with His blood so that I could live eternally with Him. As I watched His creation I realized that they were doing exactly what Jesus did for us...for as He was dying He saved us...He saved me.

So although I'm glad that I was able to kill the ants, I was reminded of all that Jesus has done for me. Covering me with His blood and saving my life......

Loudness or Quiet...

2011-05-09T22:46:00.003-06:00

It's late and I don't stay up late. I spent the day at the Zoo with my son and his Kindergarten class and I'm finding myself exhausted yet here I am up late. I need to rest...to prepare my body for tomorrow's activities. I know I will regret it in the morning when I can barely find the strength to open my eyes and yet here I sit....in the quiet.

There's something peaceful to me about the quiet, yet I can't imagine life without the loudness of little voices. For it's in the quiet that I take a moment to truly treasure the gifts the Lord has given me in my little family. But, it's also in the chaos that I find a certain level of treasure that only 3 loud boys can give. In the quiet I don't see them....I don't hear them....You could almost not know if they were here. In the loudness I see them...I hear them...and I definitely know they are here. So wouldn't I rather have the loudness? Absolutely.... because even though I sometimes wonder through my exhaustion or schedule of the day how I might plow through (thank goodness for coffee!) I find that the loudness is my joy because it comes from my little men. It's not about finding the strength to make it through the day or plowing through, it's about knowing the strength is already there through Him and that life's journey's with this amazing husband and children might be loud and chaotic but it's mine and a gift from the Lord.

Learn to listen to His sweet, loving voice even amidst our loudness. For even in the midst of our personal chaotic lives, He's there asking us to just take a moment to look up and remember that we are His joy and He is ours. So even though there's a certain level of comfort in the loudness of my boys, there's a sweetness in the quiet that as I sit here undoubtedly exhausted, I know that He speaks regardless and there's joy in the both.....The question is, "Am I listening?"

Life....

2011-04-13T10:29:00.002-06:00

Life is truly a miracle! This past weekend we were blessed with a new, precious nephew...our first! Our boys couldn't be more thrilled to now have a boy cousin, seeing as they love their girl cousin so much! I'm amazed at how delicate life is and how you can see such extremes at once. For as we were thrilled at the birth of our new nephew, my heart was also burdened at the hardship that my Grandma is facing in her fight with cancer. She has now done 2 rounds of radiation and 1 of chemo and this past radiation treatment has been extremely rough. As I've seen life at such different ends this week I'm reminded of God's faithfulness. Life is a gift from the Lord and completely in His hands. I'm so thankful for modern medication and equipment that is able to help deliver life and help heal life. But again, ultimately we are in His hands and again...there's no place I'd rather be.

No plans....

2011-04-02T10:24:00.003-06:00

My husband thinks I should write a book someday.

I was shocked to realize that it had been almost 2 years since my recent blog posting. At the time I mostly was very busy with smaller children and journeying through some things in my own life, thus the reason I stopped. But there was also part of me that would come to my laptop and would sit in front of this screen and not really know what to write. Spiritual or funny.....long or short.....day's activities or a story...

When my family mentions my writing a book I wonder what it would be about. I don't think it would be fiction. I would probably just enjoy writing about my life and its' journey - the things the Lord taught me and the things I'm still learning. Then I think that's what this blog is all about too! I sometimes find that I don't know what to write until I sit down and start writing. As I'm typing I realize through an incident that occurred or something that happened during the day that the Lord taught me a valuable lesson that I hadn't paid attention to.

Sometimes I think I need a "plan"....a story per say or a organized list in my mind of what I should write about before venturing into it. And then again I realize another valuable lesson that when we surrender our "plan" over to the Lord He can do amazing things and lead the way and I lose control which is exactly where I need to be.

Addictions

2011-03-30T08:42:00.002-06:00

Yes...my name is Earen and I'm addicted to coffee. Some days (I know this is terrible) but I find myself drinking more coffee than water! Yikes! I get a little half n' half and pour my coffee with my Stevia and then top with a little bit of whip cream and it's just a little delight! I wish I was that way with carrots or salad, but alas I'm not. In a couple areas of my life I can honestly admit that I'm addicted....coffee, makeup. Those are my weaknesses.

As I walk this life I'm not sure I've ever found myself saying, "I'm just so addicted to the Lord." Have you? Like coffee, "I just can't get enough of Him!" Oh my friends...that's how it should be and as I write this to you a new wave of conviction has swept over me. I want to continually drink Him in over and over during the day. I want to obsess about the Lord and become more addicted to knowing Him. This addiction would be a wonderful thing though......not a weakness but a strength because if I've said it once, I'll say it again.....it's all about Him! Become addicted!

Struggles and Journeys

2011-03-28T20:12:00.003-06:00

Do you ever find yourself in areas of life that you have seemed to have visited before? "Wait, didn't I already go through this before?...Why am I here again?"

There are many struggles and journeys in this life. Each of them filled with molding and refining from the Lord and we make a very important choice in deciding whether to gleam their insights or ignore the valuable lesson. Many times I've thought I've gathered the lesson and then find myself re-visiting again and I think, "Did I not get it the first time? Did I miss something?" I wonder if it's not about having missed something, but re-gaining a new insight from Him that could only be learned through a journey that already had some of the "weeds" removed before. The path is clearer this time for God to reveal different things to us.

I look at current struggles that have always seemed to be current and yet what I see consistent is the closeness that occurs in my relationship with Him. And so would I choose to visit this area again and struggle again for the simple yet deeply profound fact of growing closer to Him all over again....I would have to say yes and that is what it's all about...just Him.

Stinkin' Thinkin'

2009-10-20T16:42:00.003-06:00

It's not long before the lies start creeping in....those "non-truth" lies that start infiltrating our lives and before we know it we're down a slippery path of destruction. We're not sure how it started or happened except that we are now in a position where we enjoy the pity party and sulk in our negative thinking. In our heart of hearts we know this to be destructive...but we have been deceived into thinking it's ok.

We need a good kick in the rear end by the Holy Spirit to open our eyes to the situation we are in and I am currently finding myself in the "rear end kicking" spot. What lie are we believing in our lives that is tearing us down? The Word of God says to cast down every negative imagination - and bring your thoughts into the obedience of Jesus Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5 KJV. But here's the issues, we have to CHOOSE to believe the truth of what God says about us through His Word. When my children are dealing with others their age and hearing hurtful things, I remind them...are you believing the Truth or the lie? What does God say about you, son? As a daughter of the King of Kings, He's asking me the same thing. What have I chosen to believe? The enemy waits around to pounce on our weaknesses and by choosing to only believe the Truth, we know that he is defeated.

We must change our thinking before we can change our behavior. So, I ask you this...what are you choosing to allow your thoughts to pursue? Are you believe the Truth of God's Word and what HE says about you or are you believing the lies? For the Word says, "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worth of praise." Philipians 4:8

So, make a decision today to not let your mind and thoughts go to the lies, but CHOOSE to believe the TRUTH about what Christ and His Word says! It will change your life...you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free!

Airplane wind

2009-06-17T12:55:00.003-06:00

I recently went on a vacation all by myself to visit my best friend in California. A once a year event, you can only imagine the anticipation and excitement I felt! I boarded the plane and of course they sat me right over the wings. No beautiful scenery, just wing. As we were taking off I was looking out my window seeing the different parts that move at just the right time to keep us safe and get that extremely heavy piece of metal into the air. And at one moment I saw what looked to me like wind. Be it the g-force rate at which we were going, I'm not sure, but it's almost as if I got a glimpse of what air looks like. I felt this excitement inside that I might have "seen" the air. Not sure if that was accurate or not, but never the less it was how I felt. It was at that moment that I thought of the timeless analogy of "we can't see the air but we know it's there...same with Jesus". We might not see Him but we know He and the Holy Spirit are there.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, we will one day see Jesus face to face. But until then we know that He is always with us, even if we don't see Him....but we feel His presence in our lives and believe He's with us. But, just like on that airplane every once in awhile we get to "see the wind" and experience a moment of Jesus that doesn't always happen in the day to day. And it's in that moment that we realize that even though we mostly just feel the wind we know He's there and we're awaiting another airplane moment when we might glimpse Him in a new way....in a view we've never seen before....perhaps it might be face to face.

A Father Moment...

2009-05-12T09:07:00.002-06:00

My 4 year old son was drowning at the pool this past weekend. To this day the image still haunts my mind as I see my little man gasping for air and struggling to come to the surface. While holding on to my younger 2 year old son, I turned for one moment and my 4 year old slipped from the step he had been standing on, to the deep end that caused him to fight for life. Since I was trying to keep my 2 year old above water I screamed out my husband's name & in a split second he was there, pulling Benjamin out of the water. Funny how the life guard was just sitting calmly along with another grown man right in the hot tub. Come on people, my son was drowning!!

As I've been haunted by this image for days now and I realize how the Lord protects our little ones and watches over them completely & I'm SO thankful. I sometimes feel like I'm drowning in the responsibilities and things of this life. I can't get above water & I'm grasping for air. In our drowning the Lord is desiring for us to yell for Him to save us. For others might be sitting around and watching us because ultimately the Lord is the only one who can be our Savior. The Lord desires for us to call on His name in HELP! I realized that Benjamin's Daddy came to the rescue and grabbed him from a moment of panic. I yelled my husband's name & he was there, without hesitation. That's what the Lord wants to be for us. We might be drowning in this life, but the Lord is ready to grab us from the waters that at times can overtake us. It's ONLY the Heavenly Father that can save & rescue us. He wants to help us in every situation of life.

For I yelled out my husband's name to save my son while I was unable...and Benjamin's father saved him. For those of us who call out on the name of Jesus and "scream" for his help, He will save us.

Romans 10:13
"For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Happy Mother's Day...

2009-05-06T10:23:00.002-06:00

The end is in sight...and I can't believe it. My oldest son is almost a first grader. Where did his first school year go as it was flying by! I listen to him tell me all the things he's learning at school and where I've gone wrong in my own opinions about things (hmm...who's the adult here?). I listen as he quotes me long scripture verses he's had to learn and wonder..when's the last time I memorized a verse. I've watched him make new friends & praise God at the love he has for his new buddies. I've marveled at his mind and what a sponge it is as he's learning more than I ever thought possible at this age....And pride indwells within.

I think of my children all the time, but Mother's Day is approaching this weekend and I think even more about them and the honor I feel in being their Mama. I marvel as it seems like just yesterday that I started this journey with having my precious children - training & teaching them. But what even touches me deeper is the fact of how much they've taught ME. As mom's we know that when you have children life no longer becomes about you - for you lay your life aside for the love of a little heart. But in that laying aside of myself I find that an immense part of me grows - so self dies and eternal value flourishes. And all through my little loves....

So, I watch as my children grow and change & marvel at the Lord's faithfulness in my life. Being eternally grateful that I'm a Mama, for I was loved by one who put self aside for me and now it's my turn to be a model of her undying love for me.

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mamas out there!

Self-control

2009-04-15T10:45:00.003-06:00

Have you ever realized how much of your life is about "self"? So many things we do and motives we have are really indulged in how it will affect us. I recently have been extremely convicted about this in my life, realizing so many areas and my lack of self control.

Galatians 5: 22-23
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."

As believers we don't often view a lack of self-control as sin....at least I didn't view it much that way until recently. For my frequent readers you know that I struggle with weight issues, have all my life. In the past few months I've really desired a break through in this area and a victory over a battle that has been mine for so long. What I realized though is that all my life I wanted to lose weight to look better on the outside and yes, yes...ultimately be healthy & take care of this body God had given me, but pridefully I wanted to look good! I think as the human race we can all relate. It wasn't until a rash broke out on my body after having strep throat & taking awhile to go away that the Lord started to work in me through this, or I should say I started to listen to what God wanted to teach me in this area. You see, it's not about the outward appearance but the eternal motives that God wanted to work on, but all I could get focused on was losing weight to look good and I was failing every time.

So, here I was...a fun rash all over and still not losing weight and I went into a period of anguish and questioning. Why would God allow a double whammy into an area that He knows is already difficult for me? But then my sweet Lord revealed Himself in a way I hadn't seen before. He spoke to my heart allowing me to realize that it wasn't about will power, or losing weight, or being healthy, or ultimately trying to do everything in my own strength...it was about addressing the sin in my life of my lack of self-control. Do I have self control even in indulging in 2 or 3 helpings of what I might consider healthy/good food? Does everything I put into my mouth bring glory to Him? Do I have self-control in every area of my life? Does everything I do bring glory to Him?

Self-control is a by product of having the Holy Spirit dwell inside me and that comes only by accepting Christ into my life and surrendering it to Him. We can not do anything other than through the power of the Holy Spirit. Oh, we might attempt it and "think" we've succeeded but we haven't because self is glorified or we eventually fail. Realizing the fact that I don't go into eating and exercise to look good but to address the sin in my life in not having self control and the fact that I desire to surrender every part of my heart and life to Him, not just my selected sins.

Taking up my cross daily....it's a daily & sometimes moment by moment journey for me. For truly this heart of mine desires Him and Him alone...I am nothing-He is everything and all I desire is more of Him. Self-control....putting aside self to glorify Him.

The ugliness of being sick....

2009-02-19T08:04:00.002-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me the feelings that accompany my heart when my children are sick. Worry, stress, anxiety, frustration, love, sadness. How can so many different feelings come all together as a package deal?

I hate when my kids are sick. Mostly, I feel so badly for them as they are completely lethargic and hurting. But, selfishly I am bummed for me too, for my plans for that time period are pretty much erased and we do nothing but stay home. I like being home, but I'm also a "get out & about" person. Then...all the feelings begin & what I find is that this is the life of a mother.

As moms we have to be flexible for things change for us in a flash. Kids get sick and you can't meet that friend you've been planning to meet for a month now. You can't attend church functions or Bible Studies because you don't want to expose the other kids or your own kid to more germs for that matter. You can't go do fun things over the weekend with the rest of your family because your child is still running a fever. Then you can't really do things around the house because all they want to do is be held, although this is not necessarily a bad thing & what I like to call one of the perks of your kids being sick. But, life just changes for a moment....

We as humans can have such a controlling nature and I find it interesting that just a momentary change like that can really reveal a true nature in me. I want things to go according to my plan...according to my agenda...according to what I WANT TO DO! I find that I also try to mold God into my same "plans & agenda". "Here God, this is what we should do. This is how I want my life to go." And I'm sure God is just up there chuckling and thinking...."Do you really think you have control over anything really? Didn't you surrender your life to me?" Ahh...yes, I sure did.

I did surrender my life completely to Him. Deep down, I don't want control...I want Him to direct my days. Although the sickness in our home has not been fun, maybe God wanted us to slow down, re-evaluate some previous decisions I had made & how "busy" I like to be, and just sit and hold my son. He does have the best for us and desires that I take up my cross daily and follow Him...putting aside all that is ME and trusting His plan.

For maybe the Lord just wanted to hold me for a couple days, resting in His arms...releasing yet again my human control.

A spiritual detox.....

2009-01-11T16:00:00.003-07:00

The new year brings in with it new year's resolutions and aspirations to change in many areas of my life. Most years I don't really make any resolutions because I don't seem to be much of a goal oriented person and sometimes I just lose steam.

But, it wouldn't be a new year for me without at least one goal....losing weight. The clinging chain of fat that seems to be a stronghold for me....one in which I'm determined with the Lord's help to conquer and break down. So, this past week I did a food detox. For five days I consumed only fruits and vegetables and let me tell you...I was miserable. It affected every part of me..my attitude, mood, parenting, and ultimately outlook on everything. And as torturing as it was for me, I was proud of the discipline I maintained in communicating to this addiction to food that it has no power over me.

One particular day I was having a hard time and getting angry at what I had committed to. My husband asked me, "Have you talked with the Lord about it today?" I promptly said - "no." I needed Him and I neglected to include Him in this process...thus the reason it was probably more difficult for me. In fact...I neglected my time with Him almost all week.

I physically felt really badly all week. Tired, headache, emotional, almost ill....it was hard on my physical body. As I was sitting in church today, I had thoughts about this food detox in relation to my time with the Lord. For while I felt awful physically for lack of food, even more devastating to my life was how I had also been torturing my spiritual life and relationship with the Lord from my lack of time with Him and in the Word....my spiritual food. If I felt terrible from lack of physical food, how much more is my life affected when I don't give it spiritual food.

The most important feeding I can receive is the Word of God...so now I re-visit my spiritual discipline and make sure my time with the Lord never goes through any detox.

Coloring again....

2008-12-04T08:35:00.003-07:00

I've been slacking in my time with the Lord lately. I haven't made it a priority and find that other things creep in and take the time that the Lord so richly deserves. Why is it that everything else can become "so important" and He gets pushed to the side?

Today I made a point to sit down with my son and color with him. He followed me around the house while I put things away, made my coffee and he insisted that he not begin until I sat & colored with him. He got all his supplies out, laid them nicely on the table and waited. Even now while I type this, he has stopped his coloring and is waiting....waiting for me. "Are you done typing yet, Mom? Let's do shapes now!" As I was coloring with him I would put my color down and sit back in relaxing coffee drinking and he would say, "Come on Mom, let's do it again!"

I wonder in my current slacking relationship with the Lord if He's sitting there waiting for me...with colors in hand. Waiting to show me richly from His Word and speak to my heart with all His brightness. Wanting to express to me, "Earen, let's do this again soon! Are you done with everything else you "think" you need to do?"

All He longs for is our hearts and a relationship with Him. I can't imagine going a day without spending time with my own precious children & yet the Lord, my Father has had to go many days without me & me without Him. It's time to let the coloring begin again.....

A Pilgrim's heart....

2008-11-25T08:18:00.003-07:00

I wonder what would have been protruding out of my mouth if I was one of the Pilgrims sailing on the Mayflower. What excitement there would have been in finally being able to sail to the free land in order to worship the Lord freely. But as the days passed and as people started to die on board, what did their hearts begin to look like? Then they finally arrive only to be starving due to lack of knowledge and supplies....were they so disheartened? I wonder what my own heart would have looked like at this point? Knowing myself, I would have probably been griping and asking God why He brought us this far to let us die. Then the Lord brought life....a gift of the Indians.

I look over my past life experiences and what a bouncing around of spiritual heart conditions I've had. Over and over again He's faithful to me & my family & instead of trusting Him and giving Him thanks even in the hard times, I fall into grumbling and complaining until I remember all He's done. What if when times are hard I turn to the Lord and tell Him that I'm so thankful for His refining me and can't wait to see what He does? He would probably go into shock.

A never ceasing heart of Thankfulness is what I long for. Good, bad, happy, sad....thankfulness. I'm sure the Pilgrims went through the same struggles we do in wondering what God was doing. But what we read about in History in their story should alone attest to His faithfulness...how God takes care of His children.

Thankfulness....for He's so good.

Romance....

2008-11-17T15:33:00.004-07:00

The restaurant is lit with candles, the soft music playing in the background, and you notice the twinkle lights hanging that dimly light up the room. It's the look in his eyes as he glances at you from across the room.....his hand as it rests upon your back in leading you to your destination....it's the single rose he brings home attached with a kiss...it's the love note you find when you aren't looking....it's the soft touch in brushing your hair away from your face and you melt. It's a wave that washes over a woman's heart and it can happen in the most unsuspecting ways. What is this feeling....Romance.

What is it about romance that so intrigues and captures a woman's heart? Deep down inside we'd all admit that we love it..in fact we long for it. Who doesn't want to be swept off their feet and treated in just even the smallest of ways like she's his everything.

When I think of romance, I don't think of it in terms of my Heavenly Father. But oh how He wants to romance our hearts. Not in the same way that a husband and wife enter into romance, but in a way that captures the very essence of who we are. He wants our hearts and wants to hold us close where all we know is His love. He whispers in our hearts the words that we long to hear..."I love you so, my sweet child." He longs for us to stop taking the lead and allow Him to lead by His strong hand. He has written us the most precious love note of all time, but do we take the time to read it...to understand how important we are to Him. Have we missed His romance to us?

Romance...it can quickly capture a woman's heart....but has He captured yours, for He's the one who created it.

What gets lost...

2008-11-15T17:26:00.003-07:00

I love the holidays....the craziness of it all, the food, the decorations, the lights, family time, spiritual time. I love it all! I'm finding it interesting as I venture out into the stores and hear the voices around me that we have skipped over what is such an important holiday......Thanksgiving. Christmas cards are out, shopping days have begun to be numbered, and the celebration has started. We are on to the next holiday before the previous has even departed. It's all delightful but I am finding myself having to make a deliberate decision to read the Pilgrim books or pull out the pilgrim decorations I have. This time was an extremely important time in American History and one in which I'm very thankful for. One in which I want to pass to my children.

Things in this life become so much about us. I slip into my selfishness and make my Christmas list of "needs"...I mean''wants" and find that I'm missing the most important Thing of all. I'm reminded every year as the holidays roll around that THIS YEAR I want to focus more on Christ in everything surrounding them. Not about my wants and even needs, but just about Him. Sharing with my children how everything is only foundational in Him. Pointing everything back to the cross of Christ.

So, as I venture into this Thanksgiving season, I dare not pass over it too quickly in our eagerness to celebrate Christmas. Because eventhough Christmas is a glorious celebration of His birth, I am overjoyed to give Him thanks because without Him, I'd be nothing.

Until next time....

2008-10-17T20:29:00.003-06:00

So, can you believe how long it has been since I've blogged? My loyal fans have wondered if I've dropped off the face of the earth? I'm still here....just so very busy with life. It has just taken off since we've begun the adventure of school and where there was time for blogging, there's now cleaning, laundry, homework, time with the family, and most importantly time with the Lord.

In part I feel like I've let so many of you down....I've not written much because I honestly haven't had time to read any blogs and don't want to be this loser blogger that writes & wants comments, but isn't thoughtful enough to read your blogs & comment....so, this is where I'm left at.

So, during this part of my life you might hear from me every now & again.....but, I am truly blessed for the friends I made during my blog addiction. I feel a connection with you guys and am thankful.

To those of you loyal family & friends who read my blog, thank you....

I love writing and sharing my heart so until I write again, know I'm thinking of you all.

Until the next time.....

Shoes

2008-09-25T08:33:00.004-06:00

It's funny how kids like to show off the new toys or things they received. If we were honest, we as adults like to show off our "new toys or things" we get too.

The first part of this month I celebrated my 33rd birthday. Much to my delight I walked in from a lovely date with my husband of eating lunch, a pedicure, and makeover at the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordstrom (you know they do those when you just show up!)....a perfect afternoon - to see about 40 people tightly fitted, waiting to yell "SURPRISE!". It was a birthday dream come true for me, for you see...I've always wanted a surprise birthday party! As shock embraced my face and tears filled my eyes, I headed over to the cake table upon my mom's request of wanting me to see it. I look at it...not more exciting than your average, yummy birthday cake and then to my ultimate surprise my best friend from California pops up from behind the cake!! I was expecting her visit, but not until 2 days later. It was delightful and just touched me deeply!! Family, friends, and even some old friends appeared back into my life...it was magnificent!! Something I will cherish forever......

During my shopping journey with my best friend, I bought a new purse...of course! I call it my "bling, bling" purse because it's shiny with alot of jewelry on it. It's a Kathy purse. In my unhumble "la-te-da" attitude I've wanted to show it off...I've wanted others to notice my "new toy!" Of course all my new makeup too....please, I spent every penny of my birthday money while she's was here!!

It wasn't until I recently bought new (real) shoes for my 16mo. old that a revelation hit me. I was amazed at how a 16mo. old was so excited to show off his new shoes. Family walked into our house & he immediately leans down, touches his shoes and says, "shos, shos." If someone were holding him he would stretch out his leg and again point to say, "shos". He wanted them to be noticed...that new gift.

I think years ago when I was 4 years old and the gift of Salvation in Jesus Christ that my mom shared with me under our kitchen table. Then in highschool at the age of 16 and the new found passion I exuded for Him. I was excited about it...I wanted to share that gift with everyone...I wanted everyone to see Him on me & in me. After awhile those "toys or things" we get become old, put away in a closet and occassionally brought out for view. The excitement wears off....even if we do still "wear" it everyday. Seeing my son so excited about his new shoes reminded me of the gift the Lord gave me years ago in receiving Him into my heart as Savior....That gift has gone so much deeper in my heart and life, but am I sharing the most amazing surprise & gift one could ever receive...the truest gift of God Himself. You see, it's not about what we do or how often we go to church or how many Christian books we read (although those things are important), it is just simply about our love relationship with Jesus Christ Himself....that's it, friends...that's it. He & His Presence....

A declaration of independence.....

2008-09-14T20:13:00.002-06:00

It happens without my even knowing it...some days I long for it to come quicker & some days I don't mind if it takes forever.

Independence.

I marveled the other day as I looked upon my eldest son in awe at how he's aged so. How my middle son has changed from the toddler that I thought he still was. How my baby has started talking so much and walking all over as in his new found freedom. When you're in the every day moments of it you don't often notice and then one day it just hits you...as if you missed a few years of their lives and in actuality you were therec for every last whisper. It flies away quickly...time. And that independence that I wished were there on those "harder" days is now upon me and I long for the days in which I'm all they depend on.

In our walk with the Lord we start as babies and grow in our faith. Time takes off and without us knowing it we develop this independence at times....and before we know it we can have this feeling of "I can do this on my own". We have arrived in our walk with the Lord and then we realize we're in a place that causes us to reflect on our hearts in wonder as to how we arrived at this spot...distant from the Father.

The Lord designed us as children to eventually leave our parents and care for ourselves...not needing to depend on them. But in our relationship to Him, he allows us to choose Him first and every day grow more and more dependent on Him, for truly...what is life without Him. So, with our earthly parents we make that declaration of independence from them...with our Heavenly Father we need to have hearts that ever long to depend more on Him. But, in all honestly....I can't imagine not needing to depend on my earthly parents..I don't think I'll ever make my full declaration of independence there.

Just when you thought I was gone....

2008-09-01T21:50:00.003-06:00

It has been busy....that's just what I have to say...busy! Now, I've heard that having kids starting & in school can speed up your life in a way you've never known, which I now know to be true...BUT, to add to that, we moved into this new home & are trying to get all settled before my best friend comes to visit me this week! Oh, so excited about that!! Anyway....I've been absent & I've missed you all. I now have a whole new appreciation for those of you who have kids in school or homeschool and still find time to read and write blogs!!!

Everyone has different convictions on education for their kids. Some stand strongly for Christian school, some feel called to teach their children at home, some enjoy the charter school aspect, and some feel called to public school. Each one has to place their kids where the Lord calls them to be and for us it involves a level of sacrifice. Financially, it's a stretch for us.....but not a good enough reason for us to not be obedient to the Lord's call for our son's education. For when the Lord says "go"...you know He will provide. My husband went from a 3 minute commute to work, to a 40-50min. commute - each way. A sacrifice for both him & us. When you're obedient to the voice of the Lord though, He will provide & I saw this time & time again when I was growing up...but, I'll save that for another blog.

My son is now in full swing at the Christian school close by. He loves it. But, when he came home the other day & told me about how they learned all about Jesus love for them and Salvation and made a Crown that we'll get in Heaven, it fulled my heart with such great delight.....but, when he said his whole class stopped to pray for his bug bite that had caused his whole hand to swell up....that's when I knew, this my friends is why I put him in Christian school....God saturated in everything.

So, I encourage you....if you have a desire for this or for something else in your life that you feel is financially holding you back or something else is holding you back - first, be obedient to the voice of the Holy Spirit and secondly, don't limit what God can do in your life...He's waiting to astound you more than you ever know.....even if it's an every day provision. Why not step out...we did & look at what has happened...our journey has truly been a miracle!!

One final goodbye......

2008-08-21T19:47:00.003-06:00

The last box had been packed....all the furniture had been moved out...the house was empty. All that remained was me and my mind & heart filled with the memories of 7 years lived in this home. A newly married woman enjoying her new husband and resting in the comfort of her first home....bringing 3 babies into this home and caring for them each with such tender love. The friends and family that celebrated so many events there....and as I sat, the tears began to flow. I made one final clean up, said my goodbye, and drove away. For in this spot, our journey had ended.....

I now sit in my new home...filled with all our belongings...finally all put in their place (for the most part). Making new memories even after one week. My oldest son starting kindergarten and life as we know it completely changed. The adjustments, the excitement, the love of being close to family, the enjoyment of being able to make the 3 minute walk to our son's Christian school. The new adventure.....

So, although "home" is becoming more and more familiar to me, I remember that home is not necessarily where you lay your head, but more so the family close with you. A lovely structure to call home is very nice and something I'm very grateful for, but the memories I made weren't all about the actual house, but the people in that house & so I brought those memories along with me for the new journey....

PS - I promise that pictures are soon to come!

Finally In!

2008-08-13T14:56:00.002-06:00

I wish I had pictures to share, but we are finally into our new home & getting settled. It's funny how it takes quite some time to feel like you're home when you move into a new home. We will get there soon enough. Plus, I want things to be looking nice before I send pictures!! :-)

So, after painting last Friday evening and all day Saturday we have freshly painted bedrooms with fun colors and a painted living room. I have my kitchen, bathroom, pantry, & all bedrooms unpacked & boy am I exhausted!! So, today I'm resting. Tomorrow we will do some decorating & finish up unpacking the linen closet and this weekend we will tackle the basement boxes......Still want to paint bathrooms, kitchen & basement but those will come in time.

We are excited though to be in and have it all finally over with. We are getting settled..just in time for my oldest son Caleb to start school on Monday. Oh yes, I'm soon to enter the world of getting out the door early 5 times a week with 3 small children. Praise God we are now so close to his school!

I miss all my blog friends and am sorry I haven't been able to read your blog for awhile, but I will return to the world soon...I think.

Out for a bit....

2008-08-06T08:43:00.003-06:00

So, this is what is taking all my time right now.....this is where we'll be moving to this weekend! Hooray! The day is almost upon us! We will be painting, putting in carpet, & moving in...all this weekend.

I will be out of commission for a bit, but want all my blog friends to know that I'll be thinking of you and will be coming back for sure! I'm so far behind on reading & writing, but don't think I'm going away...I'll be back soon enough!

Blessings to all my dear & faithful readers....

Home...

2008-08-01T15:10:00.000-06:00

Quite a gamut of emotions have seeped into my heart since we’ve begun our packing process. It’s very bitter sweet. For on one hand I’m moving closer to our dear families and I feel I’m moving back home….yet for the past 8 years this has been my home.

This home I’m leaving is our first home. I have (thus far) bore & raised my three boys here, for this is the only home they’ve known. We’ve developed incredible friendships while being here and found an amazing church family.

We’ve also been far from our family for 8 years and so many times just missed running by and saying hello or just the knowing of “being close”. I’ve missed my old stomping grounds and the part of town I was so familiar with. I’m so excited for the great education I know my children will get from the school we’re putting them in, thus part of the reason for moving. I’ve missed my family.

There are pros and cons to everything we do in life. We are leaving dear ones to be closer to dear ones. We are moving from a structure that we put heart, soul, and a lot of sweat in to for it to become our own. But, that’s exactly it….we’re leaving a structure. We make our home what it is. My family is home….our things make it home to us. So no matter where we go, I will always take home with me…and ultimately, there are no cons to my final destination…Home.

Are you arching?

2008-07-30T08:29:00.002-06:00

God often refines and molds you during hard times in your life. He takes your fears, worries, hopes, dreams, and thoughts and asks, "Do you trust me"? The thing is, He's always wanting us to trust Him...good & hard times. Do we run to Him during those times or when hard times come up, do we revert back to our old ways of fear, worry, stress, and lack of hope.

When my youngest son Levi was born, he didn't like to snuggle much with me. I would prop him up to burp him or just rock him & he would arch his back and fight it. I always wondered why he just didn't relax and trust me. As his mom I so badly wanted to just love on him and he just wanted to look around. The other day I realize that for quite a few months now, he leans into me...no longer arching and seems to enjoy snuggling with me, especially when he's tired. It does something to the insides of me in an almost peaceful, loving, & joyful rest. In all actuality it brings me great delight...for he's leaning into me...he trusts me to take care of him.

When the hard times in our lives come we need to stop arching our back, trying to look in every other direction and just trust the Lord. For when we just lean into Him we find peace, rest, and complete safety. He loves us so very much and when I stop fighting and surrender to His plan then I find leaning into Him is the most wonderful place to be. Imagine how He feels.....

A big box....

2008-07-28T13:45:00.003-06:00

I need boxes right now...and lots of them. Packing all our everyday and not so everyday possessions is more than I thought it would be. I remind myself as I pack everything to not grumble but be thankful for all the Lord has provided for us.

My husband brought home a really big box today & I have needed really big boxes. Instead of being filled with possessions, it's being filled with 2 little boys. Hours of entertainment as the toys just sit and watch. "Don't mess up or rip the box, boys. I'm going to need that for packing."....((((rip)))....((((tear))))....oh dear...not the big box. Next the box is being pushed all over the living room by the youngest who in actuality gets pushed over by the big box. Oh, I needed that big box.

I get so trapped by the stresses of this life. So, maybe one of our big boxes gets ripped and torn to shreds....there are more big boxes in this world, but I need it. But more than my need is the sounds of pure joy and laughter as I watch my children find great pleasure in a big box. Ah, for the days when not ripping a big box of moms was all I had to worry about. Enjoy the box, my boys for nothing brings me more joy than you.

I got an AWARD!!

2008-07-26T20:27:00.004-06:00

My friend Mariel at Growing in Godliness gave me this award!! Thank you so much Mariel!! I've enjoyed so much reading her depth of insight into the Word and the passion she has for Christ. She loves the Lord and His Word and it's very evident!

Part of the fun though of this award from her is that I was tagged to fill you in on 6 random things about me. Oh, things deep in the depths of my life that you've never known....hmmm....oh, are you in such suspense? :-) Ok, here we go!!

1. I took piano lessons for 11 years and entered several competitions - never won though.
2. I LOVE a new Bible. I'm spoiled in that I have so many...
3. I know some might think this inappropriate, but I LOVE to write all the things God is teaching me in my Bible because I honestly never go back and read my journal, but I open my Bible all the time.
4. Like Mariel, I HAVE to make my bed every morning..I hate getting into an unmade bed.
5. At parties, I usually win the award for having the most lipsticks/lipglosses in my purse. Can anyone beat 26? ....Remember, I LOVE makeup! :-)
6. I love to organize and be in charge. Someday I would love to be used by the Lord to speak at women's conferences or women's gatherings....thought about talking someday about weight issues and how God can use that in your life...just a dream. God would have to make the doors really clear because when I get in front of people & talk I am SO nervous & I usually cry.

Anyone else want to join in & share with your blog world 6 random facts about you??

A busy week...

2008-07-25T08:30:00.002-06:00

Spray parks, movies, amusement parks, birthday parties, house stuff....these are all the things that have occupied our time this week. I had decided that I had been so occupied with all the details & things for the sale/purchase of our homes that I had not given my children the time they deserved. So, this week I was taking a break & we were having fun!

Yes, we had a blast...but, the term "taking a break" was way off! I've been busier doing these fun activities than I have been in a long time, but it was well worth it to see the joy in my son's eyes. But, I remember why I find is easier to stay home right now....today is one of those days. Rest, catching up with laundry and cleaning, hanging out at home, remembering the toys we have here....peace. What I realized was that even after days of being away from home, even my boys started to behave out of the norm for they were tired too.

This made me think of our relationship with the Lord. We busy our selves with things of Him, which in & of itself is a good thing, but at the price of enjoying the peace & rest of the Lord and quite honestly...missing Him. There are times when I forget to just sit down in my own home & enjoy my children and I wonder if the Lord feels the same way about us. Bringing joy to my children doesn't require me to fill their lives with activities...I found that all they want is me. The Lord doesn't want us to fill our lives with activities because all He wants is us. Because being so busy doing things for Him can really, truly cause us to miss Him.

So, today we slow down & enjoy the peace of being at home just playing with each other. And I remember that the Lord wants me to just slow down and enjoy the peace of being at Home with Him.

Have a wonderful weekend my friends!

Learning again

2008-07-20T21:20:00.003-06:00

This my friends is our new home....

The wonder of His grace than even amidst my doubt, He provides.

His love that is so deep that He would choose to refine & prune my heart.

The Words of Life He reminded me of..."Do you think I don't see your troubles?"

The friend He used that encouraged me to change my attitude, enjoy the ride, and trust His heart. Thank you friend...I needed you that day & you were amazing.

The husband that calmed my fears even amidst his own worries. Love, words can't express....

The faith & trust He's building in our hearts as we step beyond what we think we can do & trust in what He can do....Obedience.

Hoping to remember next time how to trust Him completely & not fall into my human habits of falling apart.

Remembering to have "Faith in this journey"....for it's a life long process.

Thankful...thankful to a God who humbles my heart time & time again.....Thankful.

The blessing of family....

2008-07-18T08:39:00.007-06:00

Family is something that's very dear & cherished to me. Being closer to our families is one of the main reasons we are moving 35minutes across town. I've been blessed with a family that supports, encourages, loves and stands by us no matter what. It's a gift from the Lord to not only have one side of the family that is such a blessing & that knows the Lord, but both sides! Thank you Lord for the blessing of family.

These are just a few pictures from our July 4th celebration! We start the day with homemade French toast breakfast hosted by my grandparents! It's so delicious!! We then proceed to my parent's house for a BBQ and then we walk down the street to the park for the fireworks. It was a fun day filled with special family memories....Oh, & the above picture is my brother who loves to be silly with my boys. It was suppose to be a crazy picture & that was the best Caleb could do! See who's more experienced?! He's a great uncle!

Have a wonderful weekend and whether it be with your immediate family or your extended family, enjoy every moment!

Isaiah 40: 27-31

2008-07-17T11:47:00.002-06:00

"O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No on can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.

BUT...those who TRUST IN THE LORD will find new strength.
They will SOAR high on wings like eagles.
They will run and NOT GROW WEARY.
They WILL WALK AND NOT FAINT."

Wordless Wednesday...

2008-07-16T13:15:00.001-06:00

So in love with this man.....

The Wonder of it all....

2008-07-14T10:33:00.002-06:00

When you're shopping for a new home, waiting for your current home contract to all go through & hoping that it does..well, it can cause stress, worry, fear, being uptight, anxiousness, jealously, pride, anger, excitement, disappointment, doubt, joy, happiness, thankfulness, tears, contentment, trust, remembering that God is faithful, and even love.

These are a few of the emotions that have entered my heart since we have begun this journey, most of which I'm not proud of. We are still waiting.... But what I realize is that I haven't leaned on the Lord, prayed and dug into His Word like I have until recently for quite some time. Sad, I know. I'm thankful for a God that doesn't give up on me and longs to be gracious to us. He has the best in mind for us...He knows where we need to live...He knows who needs to buy this current home....He knows.

A friend of my mom's gave this verse to me and I've really been clinging to it. Psalm 50:15 "Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me the glory." I know the Lord uses everything in our lives to bring glory to His name...not ours, His. Recently we went to have lunch with my husband at work. There were several other teachers in the lunchroom with us and they were asking how in the world we sold our house in this market so quickly. Dan & I were almost silent for a moment and then I just spouted out..."God..it's only Him that could have done this." As I was driving home I felt the Lord share with me that that is what it looks like to bring glory to Him. In a room of ladies who we are not sure where they are with the Lord, we were able to give all credit to God.

So, even though in all honestly I'm still praying through & seeking the Lord's forgiveness on some of those "bad" emotions, I'm excited to give all the glory to the Lord. He's faithful, oh so faithful. I trust you Lord...

You know you're from Colorado when....

2008-07-13T12:42:00.004-06:00

So, for those of you that don't know, I live in the amazingly, beautiful State of Colorado. I read this on a friend of mines blog & thought I'd give some insight into how we think out here...some of it you might not get at all & some might shed some light on some things. Have a great day friends!!

A winter statistic:

98% OF AMERICANS SCREAM BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH
ON A SLIPPERY ROAD. THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM COLORADO AND THEY SAY, 'HOLD MY SODA AND WATCH THIS.
NOW:

You're from Colorado if...
-You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
-When the weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.
-It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be cancelled.
-You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
-You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you make fun of them. (I don't. I like southern accents seeing as lived the 1st 10 years of my life in the south)
-'Humid' is over 25%.
-Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.
-You say 'the interstate' and everybody knows which one.
-You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard, but then it's like Spring the next day.
-You buy your flowers to set out on Mother's day, but try and hold off planting them until just before Father's day.
-You know what the Continental Divide is.
-You don't think Coors beer is that big a deal. (The Coors plant is in Colorado)
-You went to Casa Bonita as a kid, and as an adult. {really gross food, very fun entertainment for kids}
-You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
-You always know the elevation of where you are.
-You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.

**You don't care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High**
-Every movie theater has military and student discounts.
-Everybody wears jeans to church.
-You actually know that ** South Park ** is a real place not just a show on TV.
-You know what a 'trust fund hippy' is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder
-You know you're talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags.
-A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you.
-Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the crap out of the Raiders.
-When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
-You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels 'sticky' and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

What do you think??

2008-07-11T14:27:00.003-06:00

So...the question remains....can an almost 33 year old get by with wearing her hair like this????

Always in training....

2008-07-09T15:10:00.002-06:00

I took my sweet boys all to the store with me today...Yikes! I know we've all been there...I decided to be brave and tackle the store with all 3 boys BY MYSELF because I needed something very important at Target. I felt I just couldn't go another moment without it and really, it was an essential. I was already out & about, so I thought..."I'll swing by & just go in real quick"...right.

I have one child in the seat up front, one child in the back of the cart, and one walking beside me. They touch everything...they pull things off the shelves as I'm trying to look at these cute shoes on clearance. They would like to look at every toy in every isle, they want popcorn for the ride.

What kind of mother am I that would allow this kind of behavior? This is the thought I had BEFORE I had children. I would look at other mothers and their kids and think, "they need to get their kids under control". Open mouth...insert foot! Oh, how I now understand. I now get the look myself and I now just give an understanding chuckle & the mother to mother nod you give that says..."been there, understand".

Our children are going to push us to the limits...they are testing our boundaries...seeing how far they can go. I have heard & read that truly deep down children desire discipline from us for that in itself shows them love. We are training hearts....we are raising them not to be happy, but to be holy. If we have taught them manners, morals, and so many other things, but have not shown them Jesus, then we have failed. All are important, but all pales in comparison to Jesus.
So, amidst my training again today in the store and teaching them what obedience looks like there and trying to maintain control while buying my very essential item, I learn that I grab "things" off shelves and try to do my own thing with the Lord but sometimes I need to sit still, fold my hands, be obedient and listen to that sweet voice from the Lord....

And it was all worth it because when all was said and done I was able to get my very important essential item.....Chocolate.

Control

2008-07-06T16:51:00.002-06:00

Control...it has got to be a disease with me. We all want it...we strive for it...we go after it & most times, we don't get it. We want to be in charge of the situation, the circumstance, the issue.

My house is a disaster. After having it in tip top shape for 1 1/2 months for showings, it is now sold and we have let things go. The problem is, I loved having it so clean all the time. Yet, now I've lost control as toys are tossed everywhere....boxes are piling up in my home and honestly, the mess drives me nuts. I have no control and even amidst my best efforts, there's always something to clean or pick up. It's ever constant & I'm exhausted from even the thoughts of what I need to do.

There are many things in my life right now that are out of my control. The big one being that I'm waiting to hear back from the offer we put on a home. It's a foreclosure so the bank tends to take longer than your average sale. So we wait...and if we counter-offer, well then we wait again. I'm reminded of that verse in Proverbs. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." LEAN NOT ON MY OWN UNDERSTANDING....HE WILL DIRECT MY PATH IF I TRUST HIM!!!!

So, we might want control in things, but I'll never really get it because I trust a Savior that I desire to lay everything at the feet of. And if truth be told, deep down...I'm thankful He has the control and not me.

Saying my piece!

2008-07-03T08:11:00.003-06:00

"The Pew poll out last week reveals that 82 percent of Protestants believe there are multiple paths to salvation, as do 79 percent of Catholics and 57 percent of evangelicals."

As a believer in Jesus Christ, these statistics are very disturbing to me. I marvel at the fact that even in the Christian realm we interpert the Bible so differently. Did I miss something in the verse in the Bible that says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"?

Last night I was listening to a Christian program on the radio and they were talking about the latest book called The New Earth. Oprah has highly recommended it. The problem....deception. He's taken the Bible and our beliefs in God and twisted them to how he wants them to be and so many people embrace it as "the way". He's completely wrong.

One thing I've learned in my years growing up reading the Word and being a believer in Jesus Christ is that many deceivers will come along, the main one being the anti-christ. There's part of me that can understand why a non-believer would fall into this trap, but I'm saddened at times at the fact of so many believers in Jesus falling into this same trap of deception. But, I've always known that the enemy loves to work inside the camp and destroy it from the inside out.

Believers...end times are upon us! Being in the Word of God is the only way we're going to know if something or someone is a wolf in sheep's clothing. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is only ONE WAY to Jesus! ONE!...through Him. We must be strong and deliver Light to this world. We must stand for Him and not let the deception of the enemy creep into our understanding of who we know He is. For I know that in the end....we win...God wins...He's already won! Praise the Lord!!

Really, 8 years already???

2008-06-29T13:34:00.002-06:00

In the blink of an eye...8 years has passed since the day I walked down the isle ready to begin a new adventure with the love of my life.

I met my husband the summer of 1999. He was setting up a volleyball net at a park where a good friend of mine and I always played with our church group...every Sunday afternoon. It wasn't love at first sight for either of us, but didn't take long before my heart was all his. Guys weren't much interested in me prior to my love. So, when I first began talking with him and found that he was interested in me and my life, it was a shock to my system. Although because of his cool sunglasses and totally awesome car, I thought he might be a bit cocky...boy, was I wrong.

One evening after a game of volleyball he asked for my email address. He was having such a hard time remembering it that he finally said, "Here, you remember mine & email me." So...I did. We emailed solid for 2 weeks and I don't mean little emails...we emailed books. I was amazed at how I got to know this man through email and discovered he was the most amazing man I'd ever known and realized he had a heart unlike I'd ever come across. I knew within the first 2 weeks of dating him that he was the one for me. The rest of our story was nothing but divine intervention...for we knew that the Lord was in it all. By March of 2000 he proposed to me and on June 30th, 2000, we were married. I remember so many details of that day, but the thing that I remember the most is having those church doors open and seeing my love standing there waiting for me...tears in his eyes....saying our vows...committing our lives to each other.

My love, every day of our lives together has been a joy to me. You're my best friend, my love and it's truly my honor and delight to be married to you. The Lord far exceeded my expectations when He gave you to me. Thank you for the love you have for us and the love you have for Him. I'm forever yours and I love you dearly....

A stranger approaching...

2008-06-28T08:12:00.002-06:00

It never ceases to amaze me at the way that God chooses to bless us....especially when we aren't looking. Minding our own business, doing the day to day routine and then BAMM, you look up & there He is...not realizing He was always there.

Recently our family decided to walk around a local, outside shopping center, have some dinner and just relax together as a family. From a distance I noticed a lady and she looked familiar but I just went on my merry way. Not a couple minutes later she tapped me on the shoulder and re-introduced herself to me and began sharing with me a blessing. She attended MOPS the year I was apart of leadership. As the leadership team we would take our turn getting up in front of the entire group for about 5 minutes and sharing something God had placed on our heart & just allowing the ladies attending to get to know us better. Along came my morning to share....I was big and pregnant with my third son, emotional, and feeling huge. I was exhausted from keeping up with two other young boys, but taking a deep breath as I was having some fellowship with my adult friends.

I thought & thought about what to share that morning and God laid something on my heart that I personally had been learning...where my true identity lies. So often as moms we find our identity in how our home looks, or our children, or our spouse, and we forget that our identity only comes in Christ. After I said my piece I then played a song..."You are the potter, I am the clay. Master, Creator, Take My life...."

I think that day I spoke more to myself than anyone. I walked away with a few comments on how much what I said ministered to them....trying to turn them back to "all glory be to God."

So, there we were...a year later with my family at the shopping center and this lady who I recognized but never met personally walks up to me and says to me, "You have no idea how God used what you said at MOPS that day." She proceeded to tell me her story and the identity crisis she was in at that time in her life. Then she said it..."thank you...thank you for being used by the Lord to minister to me." LORD, HOW YOU BLESS ME WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT. She took the time to come my way because she wanted me to feel encouraged that maybe when I thought I was not affecting anyone, that the Lord used me...what?!...used me? Her exact words were, "When you thought you might not have been making a difference, just know you made a difference in my life."

I was humbled beyond words....for what happened that day is that she ministered to me. For when I wasn't looking I was still making a difference, but what she didn't realize is that her words to me that day made a huge difference in my heart...for the Lord used her.

What's God Doing?!

2008-06-26T08:22:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been so humbled because you realize you're right smack dap in the center of God's favor? Now, I know as believers we receive God's favor & grace unmeasurably, but have you ever felt that extra special touch?

We feel in that spot right now & it's overwhelmingly humbling. Not a couple days after I posted my "Expectations" posting we received an offer on our house. What is the complete miracle and "it's so great it's almost comical" (as our realtor stated) is that they offered almost full price, which in this economy of homes in our area is only from God. We are definitely excited, but also praying for a few more hoops we need to jump through like the inspection & appraisal. But, we know that if this is God's plan for us that all will work out, including providing a new home for us. We've now looked at around 25 homes and are still looking! So, this is a huge praise!!

So, I feel humbled and in a spot where my heart is overflowing with thankfulness and just a spot in which I realize this is God's plan for us and He's making a way. It's a joy & privilege to be in the center of His will...but, still trying to lay all those expectations in His hands.....

Politics

2008-06-20T08:48:00.003-06:00

Even though I don't like to offend anyone & want everyone to like me, I decided to say my piece about the Presidential race that is taking place right now. I recently was sent a Youtube video, (which just simply stated facts) on Obama and I honestly was shocked. I believe (my opinion) that it will be a sad day if he becomes President and not only that, but a scary day for America.

Now, let me just clear the air and express that it has nothing to do with his race because I have absolutely no problems with having an African American President. What it has to do with is the things he stands for, the people he's been involved with, and the lack of patriotism I've seen. How can a man that doesn't seem to be passionate about America and love it - lead it? And I heard the other day on a Christian talk show that he's only served 143 days in office...not very much.

As some friends & I were talking about this, I ultimately had to come back to the knowledge of what we know about end times. We, as believers in Jesus Christ know that things aren't really going to be better. Things are going to get harder & worse...BUT, the overwhelming excitement is that He's coming back for us!! In the meantime, I know that God is in complete control and whether we see it or not, He has control over everything....even who's our President.

So, there you have it...a little piece of my mind about this. No offense if you don't agree, but I could send you that Youtube video..... :-)

Wordless Wednesday...almost

2008-06-18T09:33:00.006-06:00

A joy like unlike I've never known....

Expectations

2008-06-16T08:39:00.002-06:00

Expectations can be joy killers.....

This is the new revelation in my life. I'm sure it has been around and out there for awhile, but expectations can be very disheartening. People will always disappoint for they are human. We get in our minds a certain opinion about someone or a certain expectation from them that we have and then an occurrence happens and you're disappointed sometimes even shocked. "I didn't expect that from them" or "I thought I knew this person". Then I sit on my high & mighty stool and think how much better I am only to come crashing down almost instantly and thankfully amidst my arrogance, God catches me and tells me to straighten up!

Then, we have our expectations of God. We fit Him nicely into "our plans" and we ultimately pray for God's will, but deep inside our hearts we have our own agenda. We expect and want God to work it out "our way"...for surely He would do it our way...for I am Earen, I know best! CRASH!

I had my plan this summer for our house selling and us finding a new home & being all moved by the end of August when my son starts school. And although we've only had our house on the market a month & we had about 12 showings (which I hear is a good thing), I'm not hearing the words I want to hear right now..."your house is sold" Now, this all might still happen and that's what I'm praying for, but my expectations are destroying my joy for the present. I find myself disappointed that God isn't doing what I want Him to do. Then I fall into worry and fret and distrust. I read something by Ruth Graham that said that Worship & worry can't go together and it can destroy faith. Isn't that so very true in our lives.

What I'm realizing is that it is in the waiting where the joy really lies because we have no control...it's not about us..and we are in complete reliance on the Lord. I can't make "my agenda" happen in this situation, I have to wait.

And you know, I would wait all over again because the real joy of waiting is the refining & molding lessons we learn of Him. For He's teaching me so much....teaching me that it's really only the expectation of Himself and Heaven that will ever fully satisfy.

A friend, a lover, a Daddy...

2008-06-14T18:02:00.003-06:00

Tears swelled in his eyes the day he had his boys....and this man doesn't cry often.

I see him in action every, single day. Despite his exhaustion after a long day at work, he steps into Father/Husband role without any complaining or hesitation. He's super-dad!

As he steps in that door at the end of a long day, it's very evident how much his boys adore him. And amidst that adoration for his children, he loves wrestling, snuggling, and watching them even when they aren't looking. For it's very evident how much he loves his children...his family.

This man is my amazing husband. I've never once heard him complain about all the hard work he does so that I have the privilege of staying home with our boys. He helps me around the house and with the boys without even a word from my mouth. He takes care of us with relentless passion and a loving heart.

I prayed for this man for 23 years of my life before the Lord brought him to me. I never knew the extent of which the Lord blessed me beyond my wildest hopes and dreams...then one day there he was. He's so passionate about us and I watch in his eyes a cherishing of every moment with us. Then he had 3 boys and I saw a love in him grow unlike any I'd ever known. As a tear rolled down his cheek when each son was born, a pride welled inside of him for he had 3 sons....3 sons to carry on his family name...3 sons to instill honor, integrity, and love.

But, what I see most in this man is an undying passion for Christ and a desire to pass it on to his next generation of family. To see his desire to read the Word and pray with his boys every night..well, these are some of the glimpses of "far beyond my wildest hopes and dreams."

And just when I've seen every moment to fill my heart, he surprises me again by putting himself aside to lift us up beyond his own desires. Happy Father's Day my love...it's an honor being your wife and a treasure to my heart to watch you be such an amazing Daddy to our boys. They are so blessed to have you and if they turn out anything like you, they will be the most honorable, kind, Christ following, and loving men I know. I love you...

My Daddy....

2008-06-13T12:59:00.002-06:00

He is a handsome man…He always jokes to others that they probably think he looks like Robert Redford but to me, he is my Daddy.

He is the first man I ever loved…..

From the moment he held me in his arms, I knew I was his.

I watched my parents this past weekend as they gave away their son in marriage. My Daddy gave me away almost 8 years ago walking me down the isle toward my love, but this time it was different for my parents. For they were already seated.

As I watched my Dad, I saw a pride in his face, a love in his heart, a sadness in the depths of him as he was letting ago another one of his own…both of them letting go another child of theirs that they’d poured their everything in to.

I sat back in admiration remembering the time of my wedding and how special it was for me and my Dad. Flashes of all my Dad has done for me over the years went through my mind as I sat there & watched him give his first born son away.

A gratefulness washed over me this past weekend for both my parents. Now that I have children of my own, I see the sacrifice and service involved in being a parent. I am grateful for a Dad who was always there…always supported and encouraged us…always loved us…always loved me.

Life is changing in our family…marriages, new little lives…time is moving on. Now as I watch him hold my children in his arms, I see the love he has for them and remember looking at him the same way they do. Admiration, love, and respect…for who he is to all of us…for all he’s done for each of us…and for the amazing Daddy that he is to me.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy….my heart is forever grateful for you. I love you so very dearly. Thank you for all you’ve done for us…When you don’t think all you do is being notice, know that it is and there will never be words to express my gratitude. There’s no one like you and don’t forget…you might have given me away 8 years ago, but I’ll always be your little girl.

Wordless Wednesday...ok, a few words....

2008-06-11T11:14:00.004-06:00

It happens when you least expect it and you realize again that you've loved this man for as long as you can remember. And you see that in our lives time has slipped away and yet there is a cherished volume of memories that only your heart can hold. And the moments keep coming....

When I saw this picture of my Papa I knew he'd always been mine and always will be.... I love you Papa. Thank you for being an amazing Daddy to my mom. You are an amazing Papa! My cup runneth over...........

The wedding weekend!

2008-06-09T20:51:00.008-06:00

This weekend was amazing! I so enjoyed every, single moment as we celebrated my brother & sister in law's wedding. I thoroughly enjoyed visiting with family and friends and celebrating in the new journey by brother is now taking. My parent's hosted an amazing rehearsal dinner at the Olive Garden. She took the time to decorate & planned an evening of stories from several of the groomsmen as well as a slide show that my husband put together of pictures.

This is Dan & I before the wedding! Doesn't he look amazingly handsome!!

This is myself doing a sexy pose and then my beautiful, new sister in law & the bridesmaids. The dresses and flowers were just gorgeous and she did a fabulous job picking! Her family was so delightful and we were very thankful for all they did!

My amazing parents who did so much to make this weekend special for my brother. I love them so!

My dad looked so handsome and my mom was beautiful in her new dress and shoes that were killing her feet!

The siblings....my dashingly handsome brothers. And of course the one standing by me is the one who got married. My sweet sister Jill who was delighted to be there too.

I could just go on & on about the amazing weekend that I had. I was so proud of my brother and felt blessed by this new, sweet woman joining our family. Everything went so smoothly. The reception hall was decorated beautiful and the food was amazing. We danced a bit and I enjoyed having that time with my main man! It was a weekend I'll never forget & I felt honored to be apart of it all!

Worship & a video

2008-06-04T14:46:00.002-06:00

The melody..the harmony....the words....music....worship.

Music used to be a huge part of my life. Piano lessons, choir, worship team, singing, competitions...it was a major part of me. Then life started going in a different direction for me...not intentionally, just happened. I continue to love music, but deep inside of me has never left the love of worship. There's no other place closer to the Lord that I feel than during worship. When I come across a song that the words and music have such an annointing, it captivates my heart.

I recently was helping my husband work on the slide show that we'll be showing at my brother's wedding this weekend. My part, picking out the music. I came across a Christian musician named Meredith Andrews. Forgive me if she's been around for awhile & I'm just now discovering her...remember, I have children & three at that. We listen to toddler tunes, and various children's music.

I immediately loved her music, her words, her worship....through all of these things shines an evidence of her passion for the Lord. So, we bought the whole album off Amazon & I love it! I wanted you to check out one of her videos. Enjoy!

The wedding!!

2008-06-02T16:29:00.003-06:00

My dear, sweet brother.....there are only 4 more days until he's married to this beautiful woman that is joining our family. They've been dating for 2 years and finally the day has arrived. This is their engagement picture. He wanted to show off his Fireman gear & aren't they just a beautiful couple?!

You know, it's been a weird roller coaster of emotions for me this week. My brother and I have been away from the place we called "home" growing up for awhile now and yet I didn't know I would feel this way inside. We have always been close....he's always been my brother...he's been my best friend. I am so proud of my brother. He's the man I always knew he'd be and I have no doubts he will make an incredible husband. I almost feel as if I'm letting him go...and I'm just the sister. They definitely won't be out of our lives and thankfully living close by, but there's another woman that has become so very dear to him. It's how God designed it to be. My heart is just filled to overflowing today because he's all I thought he'd be and more...a man of integrity, honor, and love for the Lord. And now we are welcoming a dear, sweet woman that is filling his heart with amazing joy!

Thank you again!

2008-06-02T11:49:00.003-06:00

For my friend Alana who hosted a fun flip flop exchange...here they are again! I'm enjoying them tons Rohl Call! Thank you again!!

My little love....

2008-05-29T09:03:00.006-06:00

You were a surprise from the moment I found out about you.....I wasn't ready, at least I didn't think I was. God had different plans and I'm SO GLAD He did.

For the last year you've been nothing but an absolute delight, my little Levi. I waited and waited for you and a week after you were suppose to be born you finally decided to grace us with your presence at a whopping 8lbs 9oz....you weren't messing around. And what I thought to be a big baby turned to be such a blessing...for you ate so well right from the start, slept well immediately and have been such an easy baby.

I love everything about you little man. Your little bald head that is now sprouting precious blond curls....Your sweet smile that appeared almost from the moment you came out....your laid back personality and "go with the flow" mentality....Your sweet little lips that call my name and so many other things already....The love you show me when you lay your head on my chest and snuggle....the gift of life you were given, for truly you are a gift to us.

So, you might have been a surprise to us sweet Levi, but you're one of the best surprises we've ever had and I'd do it all over again. My heart is so in love with you.

As you grow up to be an amazing man, may your heart seek the Lord passionately & fervently all the days of your life. May you have a boldness for Christ unlike any other and may He be all you hope and dream for. In a world that's full of so many supposed happy things, all that truly matters is Him. For as much as I love you and am so thankful for the gift of you....He loves you more, for you are His.

I love you my little love....Happy Birthday!

Your Mama

Balls in the air....

2008-05-28T11:38:00.003-06:00

Awe and wonder....this is what I observed in the eyes of my 2 older boys last night. Dad finally had come home and they were playing baseball and just enjoying some time with Dad. They love that. At one point in time my husband started throwing the ball as high as he could into the air. You should have seen the look of delight in the boys eyes and the wonder on their faces! Those looks were telling me how amazing they thought their Dad was...how cool...how could he do that?! They would laugh and then say, "Do it again Dad..do it again!"

Then in one of my epiphany moments I thought, "Do I have that kind of awe for my Heavenly Father?"

I watch in so many areas as the glow in their eyes tells me all I need to know. They adore their dad. "Can I go outside with you dad?...Can I help you mow the grass?....Can I go to the store with you?....Can we play outside with you?....Do you want to play basketball, Dad?"

It brings me great joy - the relationship they have with their Daddy. I want to have that awe and amazement for my Heavenly Father....I continually want to love & adore Him in a way that only comes in the look of His child...me.

His Favorite!

2008-05-27T11:51:00.003-06:00

I admit it...I want to be everyone's favorite. I want everyone to like me best...to tell me their deepest thoughts & desires, first. Me.

Does that sound prideful or what? But, it's true....at least for me. I've known this about myself for a long time and I think it stems from feeling like I was no ones favorite when I was little - at least not with friends. I remember having to work really hard to have any friends and maybe that's it...I tried too hard.

These feelings rooted their ugly head again this past week and I had to ask myself, "Why?" The Lord has blessed me tremendously with some amazing friends and yet because of the situation I found myself in, I was feeling less desired as a friend. And you know what, it was a lie straight from the pit of hell itself! I quickly (ok, somewhat quickly) worked through it and tried to fight past the false thoughts that had filled my head, but alas they were there.

Isn't that just like the enemy to sneak into our thoughts, our relationships, our lives and try to ruin them. From one little false lie I found myself discouraged & unloved...but, it was my own pity party because it wasn't based on the TRUTH! The TRUTH of His Word and who He says I am!

So, I'm reminded today of all the amazing friends I have and know that I might be the favorite, I might not be and I'm striving to be grounded in the Truth that all that matters is that I'M HIS FAVORITE!

Guess what I got???

2008-05-26T08:49:00.003-06:00

My friend Alana hosted a flip flop exchange and guess what I got in the mail?

Thank you Lynn from Rohl Call !!

YOU'RE AWESOME LYNN! Not only did she bless with me with some fabulous, cute, pink flip flops, but she even included a beautiful jewelry set! How very sweet and thoughtful of you Lynn! Thank you so much! I loved it all!!

On a side note...you can see that I'm VERY behind on reading & writing these days. Not to worry though...I'm not lost! I will be back soon, but until then...I'm enjoying an extra long weekend with my husband off.

Oh, & Bethanne...I'm so glad your back! I missed you!!

Thank you again Lynn...And thank you Alana for initiating this! How fun!

Detox

2008-05-20T10:57:00.002-06:00

This week is not a fun eating week....It's a Detox week. The new eating lifestyle program I began back in the fall was suppose to be started with a 7 day detox, but alas I couldn't do it because I was nursing...much to my relief at the time.

I finished nursing my baby last week so I decided that since I had gotten a little slack on my eating that I would plunge in & detox my body. Clean myself out of the sugar and all the junk. Boy, does it STINK!! ARGG!!

This is only my 2nd day and it's a discipline that I haven't experienced for awhile. Yes, I do feel I've been somewhat disciplined in my eating seeing as I've lost 44lbs, but for the past couple months I've just sat here...exercising, but staying the same because I'm not eating as well. So, I decided it's time to straighten up because I have a good 30 more pounds to go.

And of course as I've been dealing with a dull headache, self control as I've been really missing my coffee, and just a dying to self...I've realized something. Detoxing our bodies of the junk has so many parallels to detoxing our lives and hearts of this world. It's a joy to serve the Lord, but sometimes there are things that just aren't fun and we die to self constantly....it's a discipline. Truly, detoxing our lives of all that is us so that He can be glorified and that our hearts can be purified for Him, just like my body will be purified and rid of the cravings that I know aren't good for me.

What cravings do I need to detox in my spiritual life? What areas am I still serving this world?

So, as I pursue this detox and rid my body of junk and replace it with health, I know that even though it's hard that in the end I'm learning way more of the eternal that I realized...

Believer or Christian

2008-05-15T17:15:00.002-06:00

I was watching a clip from American Idol the other day...not sure if it was an old re-run or from the new show, but what I saw really caused me to think.

A young man came in for an audition and Simon Cowell said to him, "I see here that it says you're a believer?" He then proceeded to ask him, "A believer of what?" Of course I knew right away what he meant and I was astounded as I saw this young man lay out Christ & salvation to Simon right before my eyes. And I realized that the term "believer" is really what I prefer when people ask me what my religion is....although I don't like the word "religion" but prefer personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

The main term used today is "I'm a Christian." But this term has become so loosely used by our culture that now people who simply wear crosses around their neck are assumed to be a Christian. Now, I don't want to play judge because only the Lord truly knows one's heart, but WHAT DOES "CHRISTIAN" MEAN TO YOU? Have you realized how many people think they are Christians and yet they are the farthest thing from Christian....just look at the fruit they produce or the lives they live.

Being a Christian means that you're a follower of Christ. Not of this world or anything of it. Being a Christian means that you've prayed and asked Jesus to be your personal Savior and Lord of ALL of your life. Being a Christian means that you follow His path & will for your life and realize that you are His & He is yours. Being a Christian means you've asked the Lord to forgive you of your sins and accept the grace He's given knowing that it's not by our works but by Him alone.

Being a Christian means that you're a believer....Then I hope to get the question, "A believer of what?"

Changing things up??

2008-05-13T15:17:00.002-06:00

About a month ago, we felt the prompting of the Lord that it was a time for a change in our family. It's a big change for us and we are really having to trust the Lord for His timing & trusting that "my" plan might not be His plan.

We have decided to sell our home and move about 30minutes further north in our city. The biggest reason for this new adventure is to be closer to our families. What a blessing that will be! Other than the Lord and each other, our families mean everything to us. I've wanted to live closer to family for awhile now, but my husband works 3 minutes from our current home at a local elementary school - one in which he's not leaving & will now have a long commute. Yes, he's awesome! The other big reason is that God has put a desire in my husband and my heart for our children to attend Christian school. Yes, it's expensive and we really will be trusting the Lord to provide the finances. The Christian school by my family is fabulous and the one in which I graduated from and where my dad is currently one of the principals. My boys will have many amazing opportunities there, not to mention a Godly education. Of course the passion for this runs deep in me as I come from a family of passionate Christian educators.

So, this is a big move for us and one in which we are trusting the Lord. We know that it will be God if our home sells, but we completely trust Him to care for us & we know He can do it without any problems. I have my own little plan in my mind, but I need to completely rest in His plan.

I'm excited to move...excited to live closer to my family. But at the same time I desire to be excited for God's plan for us. For God's guidance & direction for us....I just hope it's moving! :-)

You know your mom's favorite when.....

2008-05-11T21:41:00.002-06:00

This is SO me...of course I'm the bird getting the food! I've teased my family for years that we all know that I'M THE FAVORITE!! Another insight into my amazing personality! Now, are you all convinced what a big head I sometimes have?!

Being a mama....

2008-05-09T20:11:00.002-06:00

I've been one for 5 years now...a mama, that is. Just seems like yesterday that I began this journey in which my life would forever be changed.

The tiny life that formed in my womb...the breath of lungs that was evident as a foot kicked my rib.

The life I held in my arms for the first time and gave nourishment from my very being.

The first walk...first crawl...first word...first tooth...first smile.

The maturing that happened when I looked away for just a little while.

The privilege of leading these little hearts to love the Lord & give their hearts to Him.

The poopy diapers, the sleepless nights of worry, the discipline that you hate but shows truly how much you love them, the sweat, the tears, the happy, the proud, the love....

And as the time passes you realize it's true that every day is worth it. Every sacrifice would be given again. Every hug given millions more. Every spoken word of Truth never in vain. And you understand that these little lives are a gift. A breath taking picture of a little soul in the very image of their Creator.

For I know that one day I will look back and wish for these times again, for life passes by so quickly. But, I'm thankful for the moment because I'm a Mama. And for the joy of these three little men in my life, I'd do every, single moment...all over again.

Happy Mother's Day to you all!

Saturation...

2008-05-07T08:19:00.005-06:00

It's raining here today....we don't get rain too often. I love the rain....the way is makes me want to cuddle up on my couch and watch a movie with my family. The way it makes everything green. The way it can cool things down on a hot, summer day. The comfort it seems to bring....

Our big tree in the back yard is done blooming with its gorgeous yellow flowers and has now turned to green leaves. Our trees in our front yard are gradually growing all the green leaves that it can hold. It seems as if overnight they all appear. The rain is helping this all grow.

The ground soaks up the rain as if it has been parched for months....well, because usually it has. It is thankful for the drink it's taking in...the life it's being given.

When was the last time I really soaked in Christ....really. I read the Bible and pray, but when is the last time we really allowed it to soak into our parched hearts? It is giving me life, but am I growing or have I fulfilled my "quota" for the day. I do believe that no matter what, reading the Word is going into our hearts and brings life, but I want this "rain" to go deeply. I want to soak the Word in and it saturate every part of my being.

So, I watch the rain outside and know the peace and comfort it gives me....and I desire Him to saturate every part of my being through His life giving Word. There's so much there we haven't even begun to grasp.............

Pictures....

2008-05-04T18:41:00.002-06:00

I think I can vouch for most people in that we all love pictures. And as bloggers, we love to see pictures of things we write about or events that took place. It adds to the description...we now have a visual image. There have been blogs I've read and I don't know what that person looks like. But once they put a picture up of themselves it's like a "ahh" moment for us in that we now share deeper in their writing since we know what they look like.

As I was thinking about pictures and enjoying looking at so many of yours, I thought about the fact that not many of us have truly, physically seen Christ. We've all seen the movie depictions of him or what might be painted in a picture, or possibly what He might have "humanly" looked like back in the day..but none of us really knows what He looks like. We've never seen His picture...I don't think He really has a picture...He just is. If we did see a picture of Him, would it make Him more real to us? In that lies faith.....we don't see the wind, but we know it's there...we feel it. We know Christ is there....

Whether we've seen Christ or not, we should have the same undying passion for Him no matter what. There should always be that "ahh" moment. The picture we see of Christ is truly in His Word. For it's there that we learn who He is, what He's promised us, and the amazing depth of relationship He wants to have with us. It's nothing "we've" done....nothing "we've" earned, but by His grace alone that we are His.

And even though I've never physically seen Him, I know He's with me...for He lives in my heart. I know He's there because I asked Him to enter. And when my faith rises up to believe - whether or not I can see Him and have that proof, I know He can ALWAYS see me...and I ask myself, "What do I look like to Him?.....What does my life reflect?" For it's not about the outward appearance but entirely my heart.

Words...

2008-05-03T10:08:00.002-06:00

I love words…I feel a deep satisfaction internally when I’ve orchestrated words just so perfectly to create that special depth that might even cause one to sit back and drink in a breath of fresh air.

I love reading deeper things of the Lord. I sometimes sit back in amazement myself and think, “how did they come up with those words to express that one, perfect thought?”

It’s a gift to have words roll off your tongue in such eloquence. I find that for some, it’s a true anointing given by the Lord Almighty Himself.

But, the word that melted my heart last week was one, simple word I hear so very often. It’s normally a word followed by actions my children need or requests they might have or simply to catch my attention. It’s a word that in my heart creates a satisfaction of knowing that I am needed…that I am loved…that I am blessed with little hearts in my life.

As I walked up the escalator from getting off the airplane last week I found myself excited to see my boys and husband. Waiting for me there was a whole group of strangers and as I glanced around I didn’t see my family…and then it happened. The word I hear so often…the word I often take for granted…the word that reminds that me that I am so blessed….

Two little boys came running towards me....shouting from the depths of their hearts….melting my own heart…with arms stretched out towards me…with passion unlike any other. And the word that I hear everyday took my breath away as these two little hearts touched me deeply with their spoken word….MAMA….

Friday Fun and a new discovery....

2008-05-02T10:50:00.003-06:00

My blog friend Kristen tagged me for this fun "3 things" about me, so I thought it's Friday and I'd write something a little more on the fun & light side!! So, here goes!!

3 places I go all the time: Target, Walmart,....hmmm, honestly, we stay home most all the time!

3 people who email me: Sharalee, Katherine, and Angie..among many others..I'm pretty popular! HA! Just kidding...ok, so you just got a glimpse into my personality.

3 favorite places to eat: Cheesecake Factory, Red Robin, & Chilis.

3 places I would rather be right now: Ocean, having fun with my husband, anywhere with my boys and husband..and family.

3 people who will do this: Hmmm...let's see...if you haven't been tagged for this, do it! It's fun!

3 TV shows I could watch over and over: Survivor, Lost & Hmmm....

Ok, so now to my side note discovery. I've realized that us bloggers are kind of our own little world. Am I just slow in discovering this? I love all my friends and family dearly, but unless they read and don't comment, I've discovered that not very many of my friends read my blog...what, you say?! What's up with that?! Of course what I've realized it that only bloggers for the most part read other blogs. I joke around with my friends that sometimes they would see even deeper into my heart if they read my blog...BUT, sometimes I have a hard time keeping up and I know they have alot going on. Friends and family...no hard feelings here and know I'm not bashing you...just writing my observation for the day. I love you all no matter what. If you do read this, we bloggers LOVE our comments! If you don't then I love you all the same....For my loyal readers, know I appreciate it & love reading yours too...sorry I'm a little behind!!

Have a great weekend!!

Do you trust?

2008-04-27T16:49:00.003-06:00

Do you ever wonder, "Do I really trust the Lord?" When push comes to shove, do I trust Him with all I have...everything? If all was stripped away and you were left with nothing but Him, would you still trust?

I grew up in a home in which money was tight. You see, my dad was a Christian school principal and in case you don't know...they don't get paid a lot. It's a passion...a ministry....sacrifice. I never remember feeling poor and even though my parents will tell you that at times they prayed for the next meal, I never even remember the lack thereof.

I do remember times though of amazing provision from the Lord. Times in which we needed the Lord to provide some food for us and food would appear on our door step or money would be provided. The year in elementary school in which my parents prayed for money for school supplies and another teacher gave each of us money for supplies...not knowing that she was our answer to prayer. The months in which a local bakery had lots of leftovers and happen to just give to us...and at the point in which we were doing well, the local bakery stopped having leftovers. Mostly, the faith, prayer, dependence on the Lord, and love taught to us by these amazing people I am honored to call my parents. Times were tough and times are still sometimes tough. A giving of self in obedience to a Higher calling that I know one day awaits for them many jewels on that crown. There was never a word from them of doubt in the provisions of God....never a harsh word I heard in frustration towards the Lord (although I'm sure there might have been some in private)...ALWAYS a knowing and teaching that God will provide...trust.

Many of us don't know what this kind of life looks like....the financial blessings are rich in our lives. I admit as an adult I've not faced this lack of knowing where the next meal might come. But, I ask myself...the richness of the Lord in full evidence. Is it worth the sacrifice? Is it worth the obedience? Is it worth the pain? I know deep in my heart that the answer is a resounding, yes! For through the fire, we are refined...molded into who He is and stripped of all that is us.

I know the end of the Book...things aren't going to get easier....are you ready to trust in ways you've never known? To have that undying faith to know that no matter what, God will provide? Our family is personally facing a moment in which we are following a path of obedience and having to trust in Him...in His timing, in His perfect plan for us. I'm excited to share of the provisions He provides and the Glory all due His name....

And to think, it was because of those amazing people I am honored to call my parents....where would I be without them and the example they laid before me. For I'm sure they would not have preferred to have life that much of a struggle, but what they don't realize is the amazing depth of God's provision I saw and their modeling to me the unmeasurable trust and faith in God....for He's truly good all the time. Good and bad times...He's faithful. That's what they taught me.

Back Home!!

2008-04-25T09:16:00.012-06:00

I'm back from my vacation with my best friend & oh, it was wonderful!! I had an absolutely marvelous time with my friend Sharalee. What a blessing and treasure she is to me! It was something we both really needed. And, Levi did awesome!! Here are some pictures I thought you'd like to see of our fun outings!!!!

we went to Oceanside for some burgers at Ruby's on the boardwalk

My sweet boy with Sharalee...what a great picture. Aren't they both gorgeous?!
Ruby's behind us.
Mama & Levi...He was a trooper being shuttled all around.
Exhausted & finally fell asleep.....

It was a fabulous trip and I just cherished every moment. I truly missed my boys and Dan though & it was a wonderful homecoming!! I'll be catching up on your blogs and enjoying your lives as soon as I get caught up!!

Flyin' Away...

2008-04-18T08:36:00.002-06:00

I am SO excited! It's been quite a fun week for me & it has only just begun. I'm flying away to California tomorrow to visit my best friend and I'M SO EXCITED!! Did I mention that already?!

Anyway, I will be far away from blogs and email for a few days and enjoying some girl time of pedicures, talking, eating, shopping....I mean makeup & purse shopping! :-)...Most importantly, just spending time with my very dear friend.

Talk to you all when I return!!

Showing off...

2008-04-16T15:10:00.011-06:00

I know..are you all shocked! Two posts in one day!!

So, remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about stressful darts? Well, this was the result of the stress. See how quickly I can put a smile back on my face?!

What a blessing from the Lord! He's given us such little joys!! Thanks for letting me show off!

A night to remember....

2008-04-16T14:16:00.003-06:00

I love surprises.....I love planning surprises for others, but I love them for me personally too. Honestly, I have to admit, I love being the center of attention....and all my friends and family can say a hearty..AMEN!

So, a few days ago when my husband told me he had a surprise for me...I was ecstatic! I didn't know much because well...he didn't tell me much. As time went on I knew we were going to dinner without any of the kiddos and that is a rare treat these days! We went to one of my favorite spots here...where I enjoyed my most favorite meal of a hamburger (bun less, of course!), fries and a chocolate malt. We then returned to pick up Levi (since I'm still nursing him) and still didn't know where we were going. We drove to this place here in town where we enjoyed an amazingly cherished evening free of most responsibility and just resting. People, it was exactly what I needed...exactly.

The best part for me though was being with my love...AND, HE PLANNED EVERYTHING!! Every girl's dream...at least this girl's dream!!

Daniel, thank you SO, SO much for the delightful time and for making it so special for me. Thank you for loving me and showing me your love. I treasure, respect, and love you so very dearly.

A surprise....

2008-04-15T13:23:00.002-06:00

When you're told that you need to pack yourself and your kids and be prepared for an evening out on the town WITHOUT ANY KIDS because they'll be at Grammie's house and then to top that off, you're told that we'll be going back to Grammie's house to pick up our little baby and then the 3 of us are going away overnight you have to say....WHAT AN INCREDIBLY AWESOME HUSBAND!!

More to come because tonight is this surprise........He knows how much I treasure & cherish this kind of time with him...CAN'T WAIT!!

Whatever could it be???????

A renewed strength.....

2008-04-14T10:49:00.004-06:00

"Every day is fresh & new with no mistakes in it...yet." Quote from Anne of Green Gables..........

My body sits here, stuck at 44lbs lost....28 1/2 inches no longer there....5% body fat disappeared and I've sat at this exact spot for the last month. No movement except maybe that of a little gain here and there only to lose that same weight again.

Why is it that the numbers on the scale have such a hold over us? That's the big difference in this program I've been doing this go around. It's not about the numbers on the scale, it's about how you feel and how your clothes are feeling...but I'm still a numbers girl. It would seem as if the numbers on that scale depict how I feel about myself or truly how I feel. But, it's wrong....

Last week was just an emotional week for me and I ran, no I sprinted towards food as I always seem to do. I had pizza, licorice, cake, many more coffees than I should, and for the most part I ate pretty well, other than those few items listed above...:-( Much to my credit though, I exercised...almost every day I ran 2 miles. But, it's amazing how our bodies work. It takes both eating well & exercise to make this body drop weight.

But, each day is fresh and new with no mistakes in it..yet! So, I start again with a new found commitment to really working on my health and having the best body and health that God desires for me to have. Again, it goes way deeper than the food, but God reminds me that each day...sometimes each moment is fresh and new with a renewed strength that only comes from Him.

Come Lord Jesus.....

2008-04-09T22:30:00.002-06:00

I hear the sound of rain as it beats against our windows.....snow is on its way, at least they say. I'm ready for this winter season to pass...I'm ready for the flowers to bloom, the buds on the trees to blossom, the warm air to brush my face. I'm ready to move on.....

Imagine that our same anticipation of Christ's return should be. Imagine if we desired for it to be here now...we know it will be here soon, but are we excited, desperate for its arrival at this very moment?

Time comes and goes....soon the warm season will be over and I'll again be facing the cold, winter months...it often reminds me of always wanting something better or different. They say, "The grass is always greener...or....we always want what we can't have." But, not for me...not in this one fact...

Heaven...the grass is so, so much greener and I can have it...soon! So, as I watch in anticipation as I see spring time just beyond my reach and as I know that winter will soon come again I remember deeply in my heart that His return is so very near and I say, "Come Lord Jesus, come..."

My love of bags...

2008-04-08T20:40:00.003-06:00

Ok, so you all know my love for purses...well, I came across this website called The Right Baby Gear and since I'm still in that phase of "baby stuff" I would LOVE this diaper bag! This is SO, SO, SO me! I love any type of cute bag! So, I'm trying to win this diaper bag in a contest they are having, so go check it out if you want to, but you can't register to win because if you do then that's one less chance I'll have of winning! HA! Just kidding......But, I thought you might want to check it out & plus my blogging about it is part of their rules for being put in the drawing.....

Have a wonderful & blessed day & thanks for always stopping by! It means a lot to me!! A new challenge....for all those who read it but never leave a comment, please do...I'd love to hear from you! That's part of the fun of doing a blog!!

Tootles!

Our relationship with Christ....

2008-04-07T09:19:00.003-06:00

I wrote about stressful darts the other day. Darts that I threw towards my husband and children amidst my stressful moment. I was convicted. But, nothing held a candle to the conviction I had after attending our "Love & Respect" class that following Friday evening at our church.

We've been reading through a book called "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and as difficult as it has been on my own internal, selfish pride & right to have it my way, it has been an incredible book. I would highly recommend it to any of you, no matter how long or short of time you've been married.

That evening at class Dr. Eggerichs spoke about the exact "lashing out" that I had done the previous week. He talked about how our spouse isn't necessarily always the cause of why we are lashing out, but God uses our spouse in our lives to reveal what's on the inside. It was an "ah-ha" moment for me. That was exactly what happened & honestly it wasn't pretty. Then he said this following quote...

"In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ."

I've always known that my marriage needs to be on the Solid Rock and foundation of Jesus Christ, but the way he worded it really grabbed my heart. You see, my relationship with Jesus Christ has been neglected a bit and I realized there in was the problem. I was trying to "figure things out" myself and discovered that as important as I thought working on my reaction was to things or how my husband was approaching things, it's all about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ...period.

My personal relationship with Jesus.....From that flows streams of Living Water. When you're in His Word and in prayer your heart turns to His ways and obedience that He desires and you remember that the Word and our relationship with Christ is our manual for life.

If I'm not taking care of the most important love relationship that I have with my Lord and Savior...the One in Whom I've given ultimately my heart to, then I will never succeed in my marriage.

All of Him...less of Me...Life. "He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me." It's all through Christ and that love relationship with Him and from that will flow amazing desire to love your spouse and walk this journey with them in the exact way that He designed for it to be.

Baking Blunders...

2008-04-04T10:48:00.003-06:00

We're going to our final study at church tonight & we are having a potluck....

I decide to bake & bring Peanut butter Fingers...yummy!

While making my first batch, I decide I need to double it..there are lots of people in the class....

At 20min. I check if they are done only to mysteriously discover that the cookies are boiling over in my stove...urgg....

At 28min. I take them out....they've sunk & something isn't right.....

Oh, I put Baking powder in them instead of Baking soda......2 batches wasted....

Start again by making another batch.....I got it this time....We are ok....Breathe....

27min. later....WHAT?! Same thing again.....what's going on.....

Check the recipe in more detail......

Oh, I missed the part about adding flour......thus, this episode is the reason I really, really, dislike baking or for that matter, cooking....

3 cubes of butter later....a whole jar of peanut butter....3 eggs...and a bunch of other ingredients and my husband is so kindly picking some more stuff up for me to try yet one more time again.....

At least this batch, I'll have plenty of flour......

Monkey Buziness...

2008-04-03T14:21:00.003-06:00

Today I was able to take my boys on a special venture to a place here in our city called Monkey Buziness. For those of you who have never heard of this, it's a huge warehouse of indoor blow up, jumping castles and big slides and my boys LOVE it! I told them we were meeting a friend of theirs to play with and we have been counting down "the sleeps" (that's how we gage how many days until a fun event or any event for that matter) until this glorious event for them.

We get there & they are off! Jumping, playing, darting here & there and then time passes and it's time to leave. We're about ready to head out the door and my sweet Benjamin says,

"Mama, so where are the monkey's?"..............Ah, the preciousness of a pure & sweet heart...you got to love it!!

On another side note....THANK YOU to you all for your amazing comments you've left in my last blog, A little inspiration. You brought encouragement to my heart and I appreciate so dearly the words of love you shared with me...I've never met you & yet you ministered to me & lifted my spirits. Thank you for being my dear, blog friends.....To my Mama & Daddy, thank you for your sweet and loving comments and for always loving me no matter what. You truly are a daughter's greatest joy...I cherish you both so deeply.

A little inspiration...

2008-04-01T14:31:00.004-06:00

My blog friend Sarah inspired me with her writing today because well...I know exactly her journey. Sometimes because of my journey & struggle with weight, I can appreciate her journey more than the average person; even though one can only be but proud when one achieves this goal.

I still remember where I was, who told me, and what I felt the first time someone called me "fat."

There are many people in this world that struggle with weight, but there are some of us that have a real addiction...it goes beyond eating & obsession...you see, I've been obese. It's a battle within us - a daily sometimes even momentarily dying to self. We all have our "thorns" as Paul in the Word describes, but being overweight is mine.

We pulled out some home videos of our family recently and were watching them & I was mortified...humiliated...embarrassed. Why didn't some one tell me how out of control I'd gotten?...that was my immediate response, followed by tears, and shame. When you're in those shoes you don't often see it yourself. It was no one else's fault but my own. My decisions...my choice.

Today, I read my friend Sarah's posting and was touched, because I understand. I finished reading her post and went over to the stove where I had just finished baking chocolate chip cookies and after having one, I wanted two. I stood there and the battle began...Sarah's posting was very fresh in my mind and I said inside to myself..."It's not worth it, Earen"....and I began to cry. You see...it's an addiction...it's a battle....it's a giving up of the flesh and letting my Spirit man rise up within me and be victorious. I took the two cookies I had just freshly baked and threw them down the sink drain as tears were streaming down my face. "Why am I crying?" "Pull yourself together Earen, it's just a cookie!" But you see...it's not.

That cookie represents every piece of junk I've ever eaten...every piece of garbage I've put in my body....the destruction that I allowed to be set in motion....It represents the flesh. The tears stream down and I battle to hold on to all that I love...yet I've been loving myself falsely. This isn't love...but now I sacrifice. Laying all "I want" at the feet of Jesus, to have more of Him..to be more like Him.

A small victory through Christ was achieved here today and I might have to cross this barrier again soon, but it goes very deep for me. The reality of the struggle goes deep to my core. But then I remember...I have the power of the living Christ inside of me! The HOPE of glory, the resurrected Christ, the GREAT I AM, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! And the reality of who I am returns to my heart. I am His and He is mine. This weight might be my battle for the time being, but the victory belongs to the Lord...to the Glory of His name.

Sarah, I thank you for sharing in the amazing way that you write. For today the Lord used you to remind me that it's not worth it and to keep persevering in this journey. For truly, I understand and am so proud of you....

A delightful day!

2008-03-30T20:15:00.004-06:00

This past weekend my Mama & I went to our local mall here & attended what they call "The Trend Show" at Nordstroms. People, this is MY THING! I look forward to it, I count down the days, I love it! I honestly would love to work it myself! You pay a small fee of $15 and you book a makeover with your preferred makeup counter and it's an amazing fun, girly day!

Here's how my day looked....

5:45am - Wake up to get ready for the day. I had to get ready before waking up Levi to feed him at 6:30am in order to be at the mall at 8am.

7:20am - Leave for the mall only to arrive and there's already a line of ladies waiting. Oh, & wait...there are tables set up for us to have coffee or tea while waiting...high class ladies, high class! :-)

7:40am - Put Levi in the stroller, close the door only to realize that I locked my keys and purse in the car. RATS! My sweet husband gets in the car, loads up the boys & comes to unlock the car.

8am - Doors open & we are handed a darling pink tote bag filled with a croissant & strawberries for breakfast, along with a sample of lip gloss and a few brochures, and a bottle of water.

8:30am - The fashion show starts with darling dresses being modeled but way too short! Proceeded by many of the makeup representatives for Bobbi Brown, MAC, Clinique, Laura Mercier, NARS, and many more showing us some of their great products along with give-a-ways...that I didn't win!

10am - Show finishes & the mad dash of women to the level below where you must get to the counters for the free offers with purchase before they run out. I could have done this & run over women with my stroller, but decided to contain myself!

10:05am - We proceed to the Fushion counter in which they are featuring their lip plumper. I try on so many colors that by the end of my time I think my lips must have been huge! I bought some, but returned it before the day had finished because of my favorite purchases at the "other" counter.

10:45am - Proceed to "Women's Lounge" (the fancy name Nordstorm uses for bathroom) to feed Levi.

11am....The time has come...the moment I've waited for, for over a month...MY MAKEOVER! Of course I chose my favorite makeup...Bobbi Brown. Love her stuff & the "other" stuff I bought! Bought a lip gloss palate & some eyeliner ink. Awesome!

12 - My mom gets her makeover & looks just stunning! She too loves Bobbi Brown.

1pm - Lunch at Cheesecake Factory..my favorite restaurant.

3pm - Head home after a amazingly, delightful day with my Mama. We talk about girl things, and shared what the Lord had been doing in our lives and it was exactly what I needed....exactly. Days like this are few & far between in my life right now and so I cherish them. One-on-one time with my Mama is a treasured gift to me...I could have basked in it's presence all day....I was refreshed and ready to return to my home and love on the gifts that awaited me there.

Stressful darts...

2008-03-28T08:39:00.004-06:00

This man is amazing....a gift to me from the Lord...one I didn't deserve. This man is my husband.

I realized something about myself the other day & it's something I probably already knew, but it hit me again in all its ugly form. We decided Tuesday evening to go to a local, professional, portrait studio and have some nice pictures taken of our family and the boys, seeing as Benjamin was 7 months old the last time we had this done...he's now 3. So, my husband comes home from work and I'm already stressing out....Seriously, it feels like it took me all day to prepare for this. Washing the Easter outfits because they would match yet they were dirty from Easter. Then, realizing that they needed to be ironed..I never iron the boy's clothes. Then making sure my clothes were ready and taking the time to curl my hair during nap times. It was a whole day project!!

My husband arrived home and things were going well and I could feel myself getting a little up tight, but I was doing ok.....until we decided to bring the portable DVD player to entertain our boys while we looked at the 93 pictures they took. Caleb, my oldest had a melt down when he didn't get to pick which movie we took with us....then for me, the stress and frustration exploded! "We don't have time for this....You mess up your hair because you're throwing a fit & I'll be so upset with you! Don't fall asleep in the car....Dan, could you have helped me more?...Good thing I dressed them all & brushed their hair, huh honey?"

Arrows...darts....firey words...all from my heart. I lash out when I'm stressed and I usually lash out at my kids and Dan because well...they are there. Here's where I get back to my husband being just amazing....He will just listen and chooses not to lash back at me. He shows me love and tenderness because he knows I'm stressed and that it really has nothing to do with him. For his love is unconditional....

As I was walking out of the store later that evening this verse from the Word came to my mind... "From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." My heart must be so dark and yucky at times and I had to immediately seek the forgiveness of my kids, Dan, and the Lord. I walked away asking the Lord what I can do to fill my heart with things constantly of the Lord so that when I'm in a situation like that, out of my mouth flows good because my heart is in abundance from the Lord.

The answer is right there for me always....right in front of my face...the Word. Saturating myself with His word will rid the ugly inside of me. A little self control would then flow from that and the peace of God flowing through my words would then occur. In the meantime and as I'm learning, I don't want to put little holes in my families heart with my words because there's forgiveness but just like a fence, you hammer a nail in it & you can pull that nail out, but the hole will always be there.....I'm thankful for the holes that were placed in Jesus hands....for the sacrifice He made so that I can start again from moment to moment and the forgiveness and love I find in Him.

Dan, I love you...thank you for loving me no matter what. I promise, I'm working on this in my life. You are truly amazing... To my little sweet loves....thank you for forgiving me without hesitation...I love you.

What a love....

2008-03-24T20:37:00.003-06:00

I carry one in my arms and I walk behind two other little bodies as pride and unimaginable love swells inside as I realize how truly blessed I am. My babies are becoming little boys...one day they will be grown men.

It was my first time to dress them each alike. I was so excited as I stumbled upon 3 little shirts that matched and well hey, I don't have girls so I'm going to dress up my boys! We walked into church and as I admired my three little men tears almost swelled up in my eyes. They have my heart and I realized they have me wrapped around their little fingers. I never knew love for little hearts could feel this way....I am so very, very proud. The sweetness of the Lord is right before me every day through these little boys...May their lives be a sweet sound to You and may their boldness for You astound & bring many to your Kingdom.

The Stillness through Simplicity....

2008-03-20T09:26:00.003-06:00

"....We struggle to find a quiet, spiritual center. And even more so to understand what God means when He says, 'Be still...'

Stillness must be something deeper, more subtle, more encompassing than I previously thought. It must center more on inner sources and less on outer ones. It must not be dependent upon carefree circumstances, serene surroundings, or lack of children underfoot. It's not even a product of quiet or inactivity. In fact, we have to be able to find it in the middle of chaos.....We can start this by making radical choices in favor of simplicity."

These quotes come from a book I picked up at my mom's house called "Still Life" by Mary Jenson. Simplicity is the word I feel that the Lord gave me the first part of this year. I have cut so much out of my schedule this year. For one, it's easier...but the moments I would have missed because of rushing off, or the peace that I needed inside for a bit would have passed me by.

Stillness...simplicity....we almost feel guilty just saying the words. We aren't utilizing what we should be. We aren't doing what we should be doing at church or volunteering somewhere or involved in a ministry. And for me, the guilt sets in. Those things in themselves are not bad by any means, but I strongly feel that for me when they get in the way of the calling the Lord has given me of making a home filled with the presence of the Lord, loving and respecting my husband, caring and training with love for my children....then we lose the simplicity and the stillness to hear Him.

What greater joy would there be than to be still and simple in the presence of the Lord. The chaos will be there and even then I sometimes don't like to call my life chaos, but little gifts given to me that require me to be busy! :-)

It's the inside...it's the heart that finds stillness, but in order to find that stillness, I've had to find simplicity. To find that Breathe of Fresh Air that saturates my entirety that only God can do. To rest....

Psalm 91: 1-2
"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord, He alone is my refuge, my place of safety, he is my God, and I trust him..."

Passover

2008-03-19T08:22:00.003-06:00

Last night we were invited to my family's house for a passover dinner. It was a celebration of all that Christ has done for us & a rememberance of how the Lord prevailed in victory.

My family has always been the fun and goofy type & we love it! We arrive to my parent's house with sandals on, a backpack, a walking stick...only to be greeted by my parents & grandparents wearing this same outfit. According to Exodus 12:11...we were ready to leave in a hurry like the Israelites....a symbolism of being ready for Christ's return! Can I just say that the boys LOVED it! My mom made up pictures of Moses & Pharaoh & every time we would read "Let my people go!"...they would hold up Moses' picture. Every time we would read "no"...they held up Pharaoh's picture. We all were assigned a verse to read of the plagues that occurred. We then put red paper over the door posts of the dining room area in representation of the blood of the lamb - to save us from the angel of death that would pass over...we were safe...We are forever safe because of what Christ did for us on the cross. Praise the Lord!!

We ate lamb (pork chops), and unleavened bread (pita bread), and bitter herbs (peas, corn, green beans, & salad). It was a wonderful meal followed by a special time of communion...remembering the LAMB OF GOD who became the sacrifice for us so that we no longer have to slaughter the lamb. So much symbolism.

After everything was finished we realized how much our boys had remained still at the table, enjoying what happened. They were learning...they were now remembering with us.

Growing up we did this as kids, but in kid fashion (especially when older) we thought it was fun but might think we were a little goofy & yet enjoy it. As adults, my husband & I were so appreciative of all the work my mom had gone through to make this evening happen...the desire to allow us remember - my parent's heart to teach us the things of the Lord. So, as funny as we might have looked with our outfits...we cherished that moment. Because those are the most wonderful memories I have as a kid growing up and now I have these memories with my own kids. Thank you Mama...we thoroughly enjoyed it and so treasure your heart for the Lord and reminding us during this season of all He's done for us.

WITH LOUD REJOICING!!!

2008-03-17T22:14:00.002-06:00

This is a week of mixed emotions.....on one hand we know in a few days what Jesus had to face so many years ago. Torture, pain, sacrifice, death.....All for us. On the other hand it's one of extreme joy as we rejoice that pain has no victory and our Lord is risen from the dead! Hallelujah!!

In our home we refer to Easter as Resurrection Sunday. We have a Passover dinner earlier in the week to remind us of what happened so many, many years ago. To remind us to be prepared, for His return is soon! We do all the fun hiding of candy around our house (I know, adventurous!) and the dying of the eggs. But, we try to really focus on the gift the Lord gave us so many, many years ago through this week of pain & victory. He is Risen! He has conquered death! We are victorous through Him! It is complete! Nothing we ever can "do" will ever change what He's already accomplished for us through the cross...it's finished! The work has already been done, through Christ!! Can I say again....Hallelujah!

So, as we walk through another week of remembering all that Christ did for us so many years ago, I'm reminded of that day 28 years ago when I bowed my head and prayed with my mama to accept Christ into my heart as my Savior. To surrender to what is now my Jesus....who gave everything up for me. He went through it all so that I never would....What a precious gift and I rejoice because His victory is now mine! My life is now His and I say with loud rejoicing....HE IS RISEN!!

Staying home...

2008-03-16T18:30:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago a dear friend of mine called me and asked what I had been up to. I felt my body language change assuming she could see me over the phone as I took a big sigh and slumped my body into the couch to say..."You know what, we honestly just stay home." Life is easier and less stressful for us all if we just stay home. Life is busy here at home but from what I hear, it only gets busier as the children enter the years of school. That's what life is going to look like for us next year, so for now...we just stay home.

I've thought about this over the weeks and have found myself saying this to many friends since then that have asked me how I've been. This life is drastically different from our life before children. My husband and I like to be on the go. When we both got home from work, we'd go see movies, go shopping, and sometimes we would just stay snuggled up on the couch. Now it's completely different for us and we take a moment to stop and think about what all it involves before we go out with 3 boys under the age of 5.

But, we love home...it has become our resting place...our life of calm and regular routine. It has become our shelter from the storm, our hiding place, our comfort, our place of "being who we are." Who needs movies when we have entertainment right here with the love and laughter of a treasured thing called family. I think God designed it that way....

I think God desires us to "just stay home" with Him. To hide in His shelter, to rest in His arms, to find the comfort and love of a Savior who truly gave His life for us. I've really learned lately the contentment that comes in my home and the rest of spirit that I find here. My eternal Home though is where I truly desire to drench myself with nothing but Him and then tell a friend in a phone conversation that I "just stay Home" with Him even in the everyday.

My sweet boy....

2008-03-13T08:20:00.003-06:00

A touch of love from Above, was the day you were born. You came into our lives 3 years ago today and from the moment you were inside of me, my heart was yours.

Your smile that saturates my heart until all around me melts away....

Your sweet words that touch me in a way that only a 3 year old can do....

The way you love basketball and call me down to your bed to see all your "pretend" turtles....

The way you've fought for the honor of your older brother & I wonder who's the older one...

The kiss and hug that you give me with unreserved passion...

The way you challenge my heart to seek the Lord and pursue how He wants to teach me things through you....

Benjamin, you touch me deeply and as I look at your life these past 3 years, I am so thankful to the Lord for the beautiful life He gave us in you. As my fear for your health rose several times when you were little & hospitalized, I clung to the Lord and trusted that He loves you far more than I ever can...and in that is true surrender. The Lord has given us the privilege of raising you and I'm honored to be your Mama...

We love you dearly my sweet, sweet boy. Happy Birthday....

Time...

2008-03-08T13:06:00.004-07:00

Time...it's an interesting thing. I personally sometimes wonder how I have the time to blog myself and read all of your amazing blogs....thus the reason I'm delayed in writing & reading so often.

This past week I didn't have access to the internet world. As I took a break from this technology I realized how much of a hold it on my life and how much of a priority it had become to me. Low and behold I realized my house was cleaner, I had time to read the Word, I had time to spend with my boys...I had more time....

What things in my life have so much control over me that it interferes with what's most important? As I backed away from this internet world I realized that it's a wonderful thing, but it had been taking too much of me....too much of me away from what's so much more important. So, as much as I love reading your blogs and sharing our lives together I am taking this chance to really be careful as to when I open this world and take away from my own world.....

I love writing, so you're not getting rid of me that easy, but I challenge you all to see what happens when you take a week break....

Taking a break...

2008-03-02T11:35:00.001-07:00

To my friends in the blog world.......

I will be just taking a little break from blogging & reading blogs for this week, March 3rd (my 1/2 birthday! HA!) through March 7th. I'll be back Saturday, March 8th.

I will miss you all but look forward to catching up with you on the 8th!

Blessings!
Earen

9 months already??

2008-02-29T15:38:00.003-07:00

My youngest little one is 9 months old today. For some reason I find this to be a significant day because he's now been out of me as long as he was in my belly. It's weird how I felt like my pregnancy was much longer with him than these past 9 months have been, for they have flown by.
As you have more children, you notice life going faster. Funny how that works. It's not like there is actually less time in the day...we are just busier...at least I am much busier.

Here's what I've noticed with this precious 3rd son...

1. Time definitely is going faster.

2. All the sudden he's doing milestones vs. my first one I waited hand & foot for that first movement.

3. When did he get 7 teeth?

4. He'll be a year in a couple months??...When did that happen?

5. He's still bald.

6. He's just as sweet as his brothers that paved the way.

7. I guess he'll crawl when he's ready...not quite my attitude with the first one.

8. I give up with "ma-ma" being my child's first word.

9. I'm much less stressed out about things this time...

10. How did he get so long? That infant car seat is already in storage....

11. Thank you Lord for a good eater...after little Benjamin, I needed that ease.

12. Thank you Lord again for a good sleeper...7pm-7am. I can actually go to bed at 7:15pm if I wanted to!

13. Belly laughing from a 9mo. old because his brothers love to entertain him...

14. He loves bath time & seems to think every time we step into the bathroom that he's getting one. Huge smile on his face!

15. He tries moving his mouth in the same way we do when chewing gum...he's enthralled!

15. He has my heart deeply even after the 3rd time....

16. He's a delight, a joy, a treasure....

17. I'm sure there have been more, but I can't remember them right now. With each child has gone another brain cell....

So, even though these 9 months have flown by I have captured them in my heart. Levi is a gift from the Lord. And I'm honored that the Lord chose me to raise him....

Noticing...in the everyday...

2008-02-27T21:11:00.003-07:00

It's not every day that you notice the shere Breath of Life that spoke and it existed.....

It's not every day you're touched with delight at the sun's rays lying on your face....

It's not every day that you notice a smile as it moves over your life in a way that feels motionless....

It's not every day that you remember the sweet voice of Your Love calling your name....

What have we forgotten in the every day that is desperate to be found?

What have we pushed aside that longs for cherished moments?

Who longs for you when you're no where to be found...and yet....He finds you....in every single day.

Will you notice Him?

A little Prince....

2008-02-23T19:45:00.002-07:00

Three little boys brought into the world by the life giving breathe of The King.....

For Mama thought, "Surely this one might be a girl" but was so joyful instead that she would have the honor to raise 3 little kings.

For her time was spent helping her sons defend the castle while playing swords until all ends. Fighting and spearing and watching over the land...those were the moments that were engraved in this Mama's treasure bin.

Each little prince touched Mama's heart with a love that was never ending - for they had her heart from the first moment of conception.

The 3 prince grew strong and powerful and watched as they modeled their own Daddy, who was the king of their castle.

As the years passed, Mama's heart grew fonder as she realized that this love for the 3 little prince was a saturating one of great proportions. For they had become the song of her heart....

Then one day, the life they knew changed as a princess stepped into their lives and the Mama they now knew had become number two.

But as this Mama watched these 3 little prince grow into the man of their own home...they now had become a king....And as hard as it was to let go, she was loving them so deeply as she knew they'd always be her heart's little prince....For truly, she realized that she had received the honor of raising 3 men who now had a heart for The King of Kings.

Prayer

2008-02-22T08:27:00.003-07:00

This week came the news that you never want to hear among your group of friends. The dread, the fear....sickness. Not only sickness, but something more serious that could affect lives forever.

Some friends of ours found out this week that their son has Lymphoma...cancer of the lympnoids. It's hard enough when it's an adult, but this little boy is just 5 years old....the same age as my very own son. It hits close to home and they are friends. You don't often think something like this might happen to your circle of friends and then it does & it's heartbreaking. They are still finding out more information as time goes on as to what stage it's in and what treatment will be necessary.

But, as my blog world and believers in Christ...we seek your prayers. We serve a God of the impossible and He's the Healer! We are believing for great things. Thank you for your prayers...

Just a little additional note....some of you probably have noticed that I'm just not blogging or commenting as much. I've hit a wall in what to write about & time has become more busier for me with things in my boy's lives changing. I'm still here & reading...just didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you!

Trophies

2008-02-19T14:13:00.004-07:00

The other day we were driving to watch my brother play in his college basketball game and my Benjamin just had to bring his little basketball at the chance of maybe being able to run around the gym floor after the game.

He was sitting in his car seat, so proudly holding his basketball and in a moment this is what he said to me...."Mama, you know what?" What Benjamin....."I just love basketball." Awww...a sweet moment. This initial comment led into quite a conversation that of course led my mind to ponder....

I was telling my boys that I too loved basketball when I was younger and that I actually played in high school and was much, much better than their Uncle. Come on, where do you think my brother got his amazing skills from....I taught him all he knows! It doesn't matter that colleges wanted him to play for them and my career stopped at high school....I know what you were thinking......Anyway....

My oldest son wanted to know if I'd ever gotten any trophies for playing basketball and with much pride I said, "Of course I did!" Thus began my speech of bragging about all the trophies I'd gotten for my amazing athletic ability. But then he asked me, "Where are these trophies?" .....ahh, yes, ummm....the trophies are packed away in a box & stuffed back in our storage room.

Thus began my pondering.....at one point in my life I was so proud of these trophies and wanted to display them with admiration. Now in my life, they are packed away for no one to see for that time in my life has passed. We pursue things in this life that we think are of so much value....we are proud of these material things that we think have so much importance in our lives and yet they are just things...and sometimes they are things that eventually just get packed away and stuffed in a box. They bring us temporary happiness and yet we purse them with fervor and passion. What would happen if we pursued God with that same (if not more) passion!

I know we'd all admit that it's nice to have "things" in this life. I believe it's what these things become in our lives that matters. Do we look to the "trophies" in our lives to bring us that joy that only can come from the Lord? Do they define who we are...do we feel like nothing without them? For when we go Home, nothing will be coming with us!

It's just a trophy. I was proud of it and I worked hard for it, but now it's a trophy in a box. Again in our lives, all that matters is our significance in the Lord. For this world will truly pass away soon.

My Forever, True Love...

2008-02-14T09:44:00.002-07:00

"I love you Lord and I lift my voice, to worship You oh my soul, rejoice. Take joy my King, in what you hear. Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear."

My forever love...you laid down your life so that I could have eternal life with You. My name is written in Your book and my life and everything that I am is always and forever Yours. People will come and go, but you remain forever. May you find pleasure in me and may my heart surrender daily to your plan.

Life without you would be empty. Thank you Lord for the love you showed us so many years ago when you stretched out your arms on the cross to die for me. Thank you for the love you continue to show me each and every day.

I am so desperately in love with you my Savior...my Lord. I worship and adore You. I long to be close to your side....I am Yours. I long to be obsessed with you. I love you....

My First Valentine.....

2008-02-13T11:22:00.002-07:00

It wasn't long in life before I knew who my first Valentine was. As he held me in his arms, I was his. I knew my Daddy loved me....

I knew from the moments in his coaching years when he would take me to the gym with him and let me make attempts at dribbling the basketball...thus grew my love for the game....more importantly, thus grew my love for him.

When he would wrestle with my brother and I and tickle us until we were just exhausted...I knew that was love.

I did not have a Valentine in my life until my husband. It became my dream come true. But, as I look back in my life, I always had a Valentine and he was there for me every single moment of my life. For he was the one voice I could hear in the stands as I played athletics..."Come on Earen, you can do it!" "What were you thinking Earen!" "Shake it off, they'll call the foul." And after the games..."Good game Earen...I'm proud of you." He was always proud of me and I knew it.

When all around me at school other girls were getting flowers delivered by our student council, my heart would break inside until one rose was brought my way....a love gift from my Daddy. He remembered me....

My first Valentine has always been there to help pick me up, put his arms around me, show me how to stand my ground, fight for what was mine, make me laugh anytime, and show me unconditional love. I never did anything to earn his love...it was a gift to me.

Now as a 32 year old woman, my heart finds great love for my Daddy. For he walked me down the isle when I got married with tears in his eyes. I watched as he's held he grandsons in his arms for the first time and was there for me the moment I went into labor. He was there for me unexpectedly when our 2nd son had to have a procedure done to unclog a tear duct...because he loved me. He loves me unconditionally now as a grown woman and that love has overflowed from him to now what has become my husband and children.

I respect greatly this man I call Daddy. I love you so very much Daddy. Thank you for so many times that I didn't even mention here of your unconditional love and support to me. Thank you for the amazing sacrifices you've made....Thank you for being my first Valentine. I am honored to be your little girl...I always will be. I love you. For you have shown me what the love of the Heavenly Father is all about.....

A love worth waiting for....

2008-02-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

I wasn't the girl that was desired by all the boys. I had many "guy" friends, but was never pursued much further than that. I was 23 when I had my first ever date. It was a blind date and I now refer to that person as stocker-boy. That's a whole other story....

My best friend and I played volleyball with a huge church group every Sunday afternoon, at a local park. It was our way of getting out, getting exercise, and of course getting to know the boys!

One day though, there was a guy who seemed interested in me. This took me by surprise because I wasn't the one really ever pursued. His name was Daniel. We joke now because there was not an immediate attraction, but it quickly came around..believe me! I remember being so touched that Dan was interested in actually knowing about Me...wanted to know My name, what I did, and know more about My life. We started as friends..... that quickly changed.

As Dan and I became closer, we began to email each other almost daily & I mean we emailed books! He had recently come out of a prior relationship, so I wanted to be sensitive to his heart and not be the rebound girl, but my heart was falling for him. It was during this emailing that I not only learned more about him but became amazingly in love with this incredibly kind heart, full of integrity and love for the Lord. I'd never met anyone like him...ever. After only 2 weeks I knew that this was going to be my husband. He took a bit longer due to past hurtful relationships. I told him I loved him first, but he told me that he had told other women he loved them & this go around that when he said "I love you" it would be to his wife. Not long after he took me to the park where we met and told me he loved me....

We dated for 5 months and then on a glorious March 18th, my Daniel surprised me with an elaborate proposal. It began as a scavenger hunt which took me to all the places that had become special to us...each having a clue given to me there. Of course my best friend & parents were in and apart of the whole deal. The final clue led me to the park in which we first met, where he told me he first loved me, and now....where he asked me to be his wife. It was the most romantic and wonderful day. 3 months later, on a glorious day in June I became his wife.

I share our love story in honor of Valentine's Day. I prayed for my husband for 23 years of my life...he was my answer. He is my best friend, my lover, my passion, and my desire. The Lord knew who would be the best for me and He far exceeded what I thought was possible. I can't imagine my life without my sweet love....Daniel, you were a love SO worth waiting for. I'm so honored to have you....I love you.

What to join in??

2008-02-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

For those of you who read my blog, you know the amazing gift the Lord gave me in my friend Shannon & the new lifestyle I've been doing with my eating & exercise called Transitions. Seriously, it has changed my life. I'm now up to 37.6 pounds lost & I know at least 10-15in. (my friend Shannon is keeping track of that), not to mention the education I'm getting and the amazing energy I have & how great I'm feeling! I normally would not send these kinds of blogs, but I wouldn't be showing you love if I didn't give you the chance to change your life like I have. A quote from my sweet father in law this past weekend after having been awhile since seeing us.."Levi (my 8mo 0ld) hasn't changed that much, but look how different Earen looks!" To a person that's losing weight & working so hard, that's a treasure to hear! Thank you Mike!

I have been speaking to my friend Shannon about all my wonderful blog friends, You! Recently, her company has ventured into the world of cyberspace in teaching people through the internet about this program. I know many of you have asked me questions & have been curious about how this program has changed my life so much...Well, this is your chance!! Again, seriously....if you have struggled with your weight ALL YOUR LIFE like I have, or just want to learn how to eat more healthy, this program will be such a life changing gift!! I can't tell you how impacted not only I've been but many of my friends here.

Shannon wanted me to just throw it out there to you all & see if any of your were interested. Here are a few criteria she would require:

1. You would have to subscribe to the website that would allow you to journal your daily food, etc. on line. This is $10 a month

2. She would require that you start taking the Multi-tech Vitamins & Complete Greens. These are all natural & I tell you what...these have been KEY in curving my cravings and the energy I feel. If you're interested Shannon can tell you exactly what's in them as well as the price.

3. Commitment! There is a week detox at the beginning & I won't pretend that it's simple....but it's all down hill from there. I've been amazed at how much easier it has been than I thought. Remember, this is NOT a diet & will shatter all previous diets you've been on.

If you're interested, you can just leave me a comment along with your email address or if you're not comfortable with giving me your email address for all to see, you can email me at earenz@yahoo.com and leave it for me there. I will then forward your email on to Shannon & she'll answer any questions & get you started!!

Let me know!! IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!

Rest

2008-02-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

He's been up for an extra, extended period of time. He's exhausted, and beyond the time of his bed. He's had fun playing, but now it's time to sleep....to rest.

His eyes fight it....he's tired, but he's determined to keep them open at the off chance he might miss something. He closes them for a split moment as he's nursing to sleep, only to pop them back open so sweetly, looking up at me as to say, "did I miss anything?" He knows he's so tired, but he won't sleep...he won't rest.

The Lord is feeding us in the journey of our lives with Him. We're exhausted from the day's activities...our hearts have fought battles we didn't expect to fight today....

We try to stay awake....we try to take control....we try to capture exhaustion ourselves and put it on a shelf.

The Lord whispers in your ear..."Rest, my sweet child....rest. Lie here in my arms, drink and eat of me...close your eyes and rest. Stop fighting...stop trying to control it....Rest. I am all you need...I have everything you need....I AM.

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:29

My name...

2008-02-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

I know...can you believe it....TWO posts in 1 day!! Amazing since I've hardly had time to read or post blogs recently....see my prior posting on Simplify! :-)

The other day a woman called for me and called me "Earlene" instead of "Earen." This brought to my memory a blog that my friend Alana had written awhile back about how everyone misprounoucnes her name. It got me thinking, unless I have verbally introduced myself to you all, you might not be saying my name correctly...it's definitely spelled different.

My parents loved the name Erin, but didn't like how is was spelled, so they just changed it up! So, for those of you who have ever so sweetly been saying my name in your mind as "Ear"-en know that you are not alone. I've gotten quite an variation of pronunciations in my years. But you know, I love that my name is different and I always have.

So, were you saying it right in your head?

Simplify

2008-02-07T07:45:00.001-07:00

Life...it has a crazy way of allowing the time in our lives to fly by. Does the time fly out the door as my husband leaves work.....Is it chased out by the laughter & fun of my boys playing? When I was little at certain moments time went so very, very slowly. I remember feeling like summer break was forever.

My time is spent with 3 boys under the age of 5. The past few days my oldest son, Caleb has been spending some time with my parents. I watch as the 5 years of his life have passed with such speed as I realize his independence in full swing, for after 2 1/2 days of being gone we asked if he missed us and he says, "I thought about you, but I didn't really miss you." It's a part of my heart letting go as only time passing allows.

My second son Benjamin has grown & is becoming quite a little boy. As we were able to have some wonderful, quality time I marvel and wonder when he learned to speak like such a little boy. He wants me to play with him. His sweet lips pucker as he makes a little face that says, "please mama, play with me." When did the time allow for him to pass from a crawling infant, to a little boy?

My third son Levi. When did the time allow for him to be now sitting up, rolling over, and eating cheerios right off his tray. He says "da, da" and longs to be moving. When did my tiny newborn follow so quickly in his brothers before him. Where did the moments go as he's now trying to crawl around as sweetness radiates from his big, blue eyes. I feel as if I was just pregnant....

Life, it never sits still. It will go on whether we go along with it or not. The time we have in this life is temporary. I will always be the Mama, but I won't always be the caretaker of my precious boys. Time flies away when we aren't looking....it scatters through the dishes, laundry, and day to day responsibilities. Simplifying my life has allow time to slow down for me....maybe not as slow as I'd like, but I'm looking and seeing the life happening right before my eyes...the life in these 3 young boys.