The ugliness of being sick....

It never ceases to amaze me the feelings that accompany my heart when my children are sick. Worry, stress, anxiety, frustration, love, sadness. How can so many different feelings come all together as a package deal?

I hate when my kids are sick. Mostly, I feel so badly for them as they are completely lethargic and hurting. But, selfishly I am bummed for me too, for my plans for that time period are pretty much erased and we do nothing but stay home. I like being home, but I'm also a "get out & about" person. Then...all the feelings begin & what I find is that this is the life of a mother.

As moms we have to be flexible for things change for us in a flash. Kids get sick and you can't meet that friend you've been planning to meet for a month now. You can't attend church functions or Bible Studies because you don't want to expose the other kids or your own kid to more germs for that matter. You can't go do fun things over the weekend with the rest of your family because your child is still running a fever. Then you can't really do things around the house because all they want to do is be held, although this is not necessarily a bad thing & what I like to call one of the perks of your kids being sick. But, life just changes for a moment....

We as humans can have such a controlling nature and I find it interesting that just a momentary change like that can really reveal a true nature in me. I want things to go according to my plan...according to my agenda...according to what I WANT TO DO! I find that I also try to mold God into my same "plans & agenda". "Here God, this is what we should do. This is how I want my life to go." And I'm sure God is just up there chuckling and thinking...."Do you really think you have control over anything really? Didn't you surrender your life to me?" Ahh...yes, I sure did.

I did surrender my life completely to Him. Deep down, I don't want control...I want Him to direct my days. Although the sickness in our home has not been fun, maybe God wanted us to slow down, re-evaluate some previous decisions I had made & how "busy" I like to be, and just sit and hold my son. He does have the best for us and desires that I take up my cross daily and follow Him...putting aside all that is ME and trusting His plan.

For maybe the Lord just wanted to hold me for a couple days, resting in His arms...releasing yet again my human control.

A spiritual detox.....

The new year brings in with it new year's resolutions and aspirations to change in many areas of my life. Most years I don't really make any resolutions because I don't seem to be much of a goal oriented person and sometimes I just lose steam.

But, it wouldn't be a new year for me without at least one goal....losing weight. The clinging chain of fat that seems to be a stronghold for me....one in which I'm determined with the Lord's help to conquer and break down. So, this past week I did a food detox. For five days I consumed only fruits and vegetables and let me tell you...I was miserable. It affected every part of me..my attitude, mood, parenting, and ultimately outlook on everything. And as torturing as it was for me, I was proud of the discipline I maintained in communicating to this addiction to food that it has no power over me.

One particular day I was having a hard time and getting angry at what I had committed to. My husband asked me, "Have you talked with the Lord about it today?" I promptly said - "no." I needed Him and I neglected to include Him in this process...thus the reason it was probably more difficult for me. In fact...I neglected my time with Him almost all week.

I physically felt really badly all week. Tired, headache, emotional, almost ill....it was hard on my physical body. As I was sitting in church today, I had thoughts about this food detox in relation to my time with the Lord. For while I felt awful physically for lack of food, even more devastating to my life was how I had also been torturing my spiritual life and relationship with the Lord from my lack of time with Him and in the Word....my spiritual food. If I felt terrible from lack of physical food, how much more is my life affected when I don't give it spiritual food.

The most important feeding I can receive is the Word of God...so now I re-visit my spiritual discipline and make sure my time with the Lord never goes through any detox.

Coloring again....

I've been slacking in my time with the Lord lately. I haven't made it a priority and find that other things creep in and take the time that the Lord so richly deserves. Why is it that everything else can become "so important" and He gets pushed to the side?

Today I made a point to sit down with my son and color with him. He followed me around the house while I put things away, made my coffee and he insisted that he not begin until I sat & colored with him. He got all his supplies out, laid them nicely on the table and waited. Even now while I type this, he has stopped his coloring and is waiting....waiting for me. "Are you done typing yet, Mom? Let's do shapes now!" As I was coloring with him I would put my color down and sit back in relaxing coffee drinking and he would say, "Come on Mom, let's do it again!"

I wonder in my current slacking relationship with the Lord if He's sitting there waiting for me...with colors in hand. Waiting to show me richly from His Word and speak to my heart with all His brightness. Wanting to express to me, "Earen, let's do this again soon! Are you done with everything else you "think" you need to do?"

All He longs for is our hearts and a relationship with Him. I can't imagine going a day without spending time with my own precious children & yet the Lord, my Father has had to go many days without me & me without Him. It's time to let the coloring begin again.....