Thursday, February 19, 2009

The ugliness of being sick....

It never ceases to amaze me the feelings that accompany my heart when my children are sick. Worry, stress, anxiety, frustration, love, sadness. How can so many different feelings come all together as a package deal?

I hate when my kids are sick. Mostly, I feel so badly for them as they are completely lethargic and hurting. But, selfishly I am bummed for me too, for my plans for that time period are pretty much erased and we do nothing but stay home. I like being home, but I'm also a "get out & about" person. Then...all the feelings begin & what I find is that this is the life of a mother.

As moms we have to be flexible for things change for us in a flash. Kids get sick and you can't meet that friend you've been planning to meet for a month now. You can't attend church functions or Bible Studies because you don't want to expose the other kids or your own kid to more germs for that matter. You can't go do fun things over the weekend with the rest of your family because your child is still running a fever. Then you can't really do things around the house because all they want to do is be held, although this is not necessarily a bad thing & what I like to call one of the perks of your kids being sick. But, life just changes for a moment....

We as humans can have such a controlling nature and I find it interesting that just a momentary change like that can really reveal a true nature in me. I want things to go according to my plan...according to my agenda...according to what I WANT TO DO! I find that I also try to mold God into my same "plans & agenda". "Here God, this is what we should do. This is how I want my life to go." And I'm sure God is just up there chuckling and thinking...."Do you really think you have control over anything really? Didn't you surrender your life to me?" Ahh...yes, I sure did.

I did surrender my life completely to Him. Deep down, I don't want control...I want Him to direct my days. Although the sickness in our home has not been fun, maybe God wanted us to slow down, re-evaluate some previous decisions I had made & how "busy" I like to be, and just sit and hold my son. He does have the best for us and desires that I take up my cross daily and follow Him...putting aside all that is ME and trusting His plan.

For maybe the Lord just wanted to hold me for a couple days, resting in His arms...releasing yet again my human control.