New life.....

 I received on September 3rd, an extremely precious birthday card for my 37th birthday. It was from my Grandma.  I didn't realize how precious her last written words to me would be because 17 days later she went Home to be with Jesus.

September 20th, 2012, will forever be etched in my mind as the best day of my Grandma's life!  She finally finished her journey here on earth and went Home to be with her Lord.  The day before she passed away my sweet children went in one by one to hug her, tell her they love her, and say goodbye. I held up my 3 month old so she could see her.  A huge smile lit up my Grandma's face. It had been the first time she smiled in awhile.  I will always remember that.   She loved her Great Grandchildren.....she loved that her only Great Granddaughter (as of now) had such a similar name to hers.  She just loved.  When my children left the room I sat there alone, tears streaming down my face and held her hand.  I sang a few songs to her that I knew she would love hearing.  She whispered her final words to me..."I love you."

It's hard when someone close to you passes away. It's hard to watch the love of my Grandma's life, my Papa hurt like he never has before.  They were married 62 years. It's hard to go to their house and see that she's not there, yet everything you see has her handprint on it - almost as if it's not reality.  It will be hard that she's not there to watch my children grow up, or be there for all the holidays that she was so involved in.  It will just be hard......  My heart misses her and always will.  She was an amazingly, Godly woman who showed me what it looks like to live a life passionate for the Lord.  It wasn't about the religion of it all or going to church every week...for her it was about a daily personal relationship with her very best friend - her Lord.  Her final thoughts to me a few weeks prior were sharing that all we think is so important in this world really isn't.  Because when it all boils down to it, it's all about Jesus and loving Him.

Despite the hardness of it all, I'm grateful for the Hope that gives peace to my heart in knowing she's in Heaven with Jesus.  I WILL see her again some day!  Until then....I remember her fun shaped chocolate chip pancakes for us as kids, the way she always looked so beautiful,  the amazing way she cooked, the visit I had with her when I was 10, the way she called me "her precious granddaughter", the hugs, the way she loved my husband and children, the way she loved her own husband and children, the way she loved her Savior.

She will never be forgotten for she holds quite a special place in my heart.  I miss you sweet Grandma....

Big Ants

We continue to be working on our backyard to get it in shape. Yard work isn't my favorite thing to do, but I enjoy doing it alongside my husband and getting some sun! Pulling weeds, digging out tree stumps, raking, hauling in dirt, planting grass....it's a big project!

If you're like me, you brace yourself for all the tiny bugs you'll see as you're moving wood or other things that little creatures like to live under. As I was moving a big log I went in with gloves on and was ready to brace myself and boy was I glad that I did! As I removed the log, there were hundreds of these big ants and the baby larva (I guess that's what ant babies are called). So, I went looking for the killer...ant killer that is! I sprayed and sprayed. As I watched these ants scramble all around trying to survive (sorry ants) I watched as they all gathered in one spot. That one spot was gathering all over the baby larva that hadn't yet hatched - for as these ants were all scattered everywhere at first, they all gathered to protect their little ones. I sat there in fasination as I watched them. These ants were dying, yet their first thought was to protect their young.

As a Mama, I can relate. I would do anything to protect my children. But let's look at this on an even bigger scale, for as I was watching them I felt the Lord bring to my mind a reminder of what He did for me. Jesus died on the cross for me....covering my life with His blood so that I could live eternally with Him. As I watched His creation I realized that they were doing exactly what Jesus did for us...for as He was dying He saved us...He saved me.

So although I'm glad that I was able to kill the ants, I was reminded of all that Jesus has done for me. Covering me with His blood and saving my life......

Loudness or Quiet...

It's late and I don't stay up late. I spent the day at the Zoo with my son and his Kindergarten class and I'm finding myself exhausted yet here I am up late. I need to rest...to prepare my body for tomorrow's activities. I know I will regret it in the morning when I can barely find the strength to open my eyes and yet here I sit....in the quiet.

There's something peaceful to me about the quiet, yet I can't imagine life without the loudness of little voices. For it's in the quiet that I take a moment to truly treasure the gifts the Lord has given me in my little family. But, it's also in the chaos that I find a certain level of treasure that only 3 loud boys can give. In the quiet I don't see them....I don't hear them....You could almost not know if they were here. In the loudness I see them...I hear them...and I definitely know they are here. So wouldn't I rather have the loudness? Absolutely.... because even though I sometimes wonder through my exhaustion or schedule of the day how I might plow through (thank goodness for coffee!) I find that the loudness is my joy because it comes from my little men. It's not about finding the strength to make it through the day or plowing through, it's about knowing the strength is already there through Him and that life's journey's with this amazing husband and children might be loud and chaotic but it's mine and a gift from the Lord.

Learn to listen to His sweet, loving voice even amidst our loudness. For even in the midst of our personal chaotic lives, He's there asking us to just take a moment to look up and remember that we are His joy and He is ours. So even though there's a certain level of comfort in the loudness of my boys, there's a sweetness in the quiet that as I sit here undoubtedly exhausted, I know that He speaks regardless and there's joy in the both.....The question is, "Am I listening?"