This man is amazing....a gift to me from the Lord...one I didn't deserve. This man is my husband.
I realized something about myself the other day & it's something I probably already knew, but it hit me again in all its ugly form. We decided Tuesday evening to go to a local, professional, portrait studio and have some nice pictures taken of our family and the boys, seeing as Benjamin was 7 months old the last time we had this done...he's now 3. So, my husband comes home from work and I'm already stressing out....Seriously, it feels like it took me all day to prepare for this. Washing the Easter outfits because they would match yet they were dirty from Easter. Then, realizing that they needed to be ironed..I never iron the boy's clothes. Then making sure my clothes were ready and taking the time to curl my hair during nap times. It was a whole day project!!
My husband arrived home and things were going well and I could feel myself getting a little up tight, but I was doing ok.....until we decided to bring the portable DVD player to entertain our boys while we looked at the 93 pictures they took. Caleb, my oldest had a melt down when he didn't get to pick which movie we took with us....then for me, the stress and frustration exploded! "We don't have time for this....You mess up your hair because you're throwing a fit & I'll be so upset with you! Don't fall asleep in the car....Dan, could you have helped me more?...Good thing I dressed them all & brushed their hair, huh honey?"
Arrows...darts....firey words...all from my heart. I lash out when I'm stressed and I usually lash out at my kids and Dan because well...they are there. Here's where I get back to my husband being just amazing....He will just listen and chooses not to lash back at me. He shows me love and tenderness because he knows I'm stressed and that it really has nothing to do with him. For his love is unconditional....
As I was walking out of the store later that evening this verse from the Word came to my mind... "From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." My heart must be so dark and yucky at times and I had to immediately seek the forgiveness of my kids, Dan, and the Lord. I walked away asking the Lord what I can do to fill my heart with things constantly of the Lord so that when I'm in a situation like that, out of my mouth flows good because my heart is in abundance from the Lord.
The answer is right there for me always....right in front of my face...the Word. Saturating myself with His word will rid the ugly inside of me. A little self control would then flow from that and the peace of God flowing through my words would then occur. In the meantime and as I'm learning, I don't want to put little holes in my families heart with my words because there's forgiveness but just like a fence, you hammer a nail in it & you can pull that nail out, but the hole will always be there.....I'm thankful for the holes that were placed in Jesus hands....for the sacrifice He made so that I can start again from moment to moment and the forgiveness and love I find in Him.
Dan, I love you...thank you for loving me no matter what. I promise, I'm working on this in my life. You are truly amazing... To my little sweet loves....thank you for forgiving me without hesitation...I love you.
11 comments:
Girl, You are not alone in this situation. We all have had them.
Take heart, bask in his forgivenss and enjoy his mercy which is new every day!
I have certainly had my share of moments with darts flying (I don't take stress well). So, how wonderful to know that you have a wonderful husband that won't take it personally and takes it in stride. Sounds like you caught a good one!
Happens here too, only with Steve not Dan ;-)
What a very sweet tribute to your hubby. I'm guilty too.
I think we are from the same family and our husbands must be too! I know exactly what you are saying...same thing happened to me this week just different scenario.
I felt so bad about it later that I just cried over how I treated my oldest son. The Word brings life and healing to us and I could not imagine my life without it.
Blessings over you, your sweet husband and your darling boys~
Fran
What a sweet, honest post. I think this probably touches everyone reading it because we can all relate. I too have dark yuckiness in my heart thatcomes out in the form of flying darts. I thank God for a loving forgiving husband and a loving forgiving God!
Oh, yes I have so been there throwing those verbal darts when I am frustrated or stressed.
What a blessing to have a husband who just takes it in stride, loves you through it and knows the root of the "darts" is stress and nothing personal.
remember to give yourself grace earen. getting pix done is a full day project.
and you are right, to be saturated in the Word, but be sure to saturate yourself in the grace and mercy too.
A mommy full of grace and mercy for herself will spill that onto her husband and children.
Earen, what a GREAT post. I struggle with this, too. My husband has the same wisdom and chooses to keep his mouth shut when I get this way. Although, I found out at a MOPS Men's Panel once that he does argue back, it is just not out loud ;-)
I love the verse you mentioned, it is pure truth. I shudder to think of the ugliness that is in my heart at times based on the things that can come from my mouth.
I love what Dawn had to say, though. So thankful his mercy is new every day!
I'm with you all the way.
thanks for the reminder.
I love this post. I do the very thing you wrote about and always regret it. Thank you for the reminder - God used you in my life today!
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