9:30am...Here I sit at my kitchen table where normally I would be enjoying teaching in the Word at church.
It was supposed to be a day for Dan & I...just the two of us. We had our plans, we had our agenda, and I couldn't wait. Then...my two youngest boys got sick. It's the ever fearing worry that I dread. I know these are not feelings from the Lord, alas I hate (and I don't use hate often!) when my kids are sick. I worry about their little bodies getting better, hoping the cough doesn't hurt them too much, but knowing that the fever is doing what it needs to in order to get my children well again. This is Levi's first cold/cough and wouldn't you know he gets sick after his first visit to the nursery!! urgg!!
On the flip side, I am yet again dying to self. I find the Lord constantly teaching me in this area. I am ashamed to say that there was this part of me that wanted them to get better quickly for selfish reasons...I was excited for a break...excited for some time with just my love (and of course Levi too!). Thankfully our in-laws were gracious enough to come over and watch all 3 boys, amidst their illness so that my husband & I could go see a movie...a rare treat. And thankfully we are re-scheduling for this next week and going to try again. But, as much as I'm now looking forward to this next week I was disappointed and found myself wallowing in my own selfishness. My plans were shoved aside and my agenda delayed. But, this is what we as mothers do and we'd do it over again without hesitation.
Dying to self is a hard thing to learn, yet I find my greatest example in Christ. Do we really think He wanted to come to earth, leave what I can't even begin to imagine is an amazing Home, and begin the journey of His death for us on the Cross. 33 years of knowing that He would face an excruciating death...I can't imagine. But, all for the love of us, His children. So, I'm learning again today as I care for my two sick children that I do it all because I love them and I would do it all over again in a heart beat because you see, this mother's heart is dedicated to her children and loves them with a deep love that she can't express. The selfish nature tries to creep back in and I'm thankful to the Lord that He gives me the opportunity to die to it again knowing that the rewards far outweigh the break. For you see, these children are a gift to me & I cherish them...
5 comments:
Earen,
You are definitely not alone - we have all had those feelings. On one hand you feel so bad for your kids because they are sick and they need you, then on the other, you feel bad for yourself because your plans are all messed up. You are right, dying to self is a hard thing (but necessary for us moms). Somehow having kids forces us (even the most selfish like me) to have to die to self and put our children's needs above our own, doesnt it? I know from reading your blog that you are an awesome mommy. Your kids (and hubs) are so blessed to have you as mom and wife.
I hope your babies feel better soon. I hate it when my kids are sick - I will be praying for them (and you). By the way, it is mandatory that every child catch something on their first trip to the nursery......isnt it?
Oh Earen - sorry to hear about your sick kiddos. I will be praying for them. It always seems they get sick when there is something planned, probably to teach us a lesson in sacrifice, patience, giving to others, etc.. My two little ones are just getting over being sick so I am right there with you!
I am glad you were able to get out for a bit with your hubby. I pray kiddos are better for next weeks outing!
You are a wonderfully wife and mommy with a beautiful spirit.
Sweet, sweet Earen!! I'm so sorry to hear that your kiddos are sick, and that your special time with Dan had to be postponed.
God definitely uses our kids to teach us lessons. Every day. Especially in sacrifice. I never realized just how selfish I am, until I had Becca. It's ugly, isn't it? But also hopeful...because God cares enough to teach us these lessons, and give us a chance to change for the better.
I know what you're feeling...I think we've all been there. As a mom, our wants get put on the back burner so often...it's hard not to have our selfish nature rise up now and again.
I love you, and hope that your little ones feel better soon. Enjoy your special time this week!!
Wow, I can so relate to these last two posts. I know you'll get back on the wagon with the healthy foods, you've been such an inspiration to me in that area!
Also, I hope you are able to get away with hubby for that time and that your little guys feel better soon!!
YOU ARE wonderful!
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