Do you trust?

Do you ever wonder, "Do I really trust the Lord?" When push comes to shove, do I trust Him with all I have...everything? If all was stripped away and you were left with nothing but Him, would you still trust?

I grew up in a home in which money was tight. You see, my dad was a Christian school principal and in case you don't know...they don't get paid a lot. It's a passion...a ministry....sacrifice. I never remember feeling poor and even though my parents will tell you that at times they prayed for the next meal, I never even remember the lack thereof.

I do remember times though of amazing provision from the Lord. Times in which we needed the Lord to provide some food for us and food would appear on our door step or money would be provided. The year in elementary school in which my parents prayed for money for school supplies and another teacher gave each of us money for supplies...not knowing that she was our answer to prayer. The months in which a local bakery had lots of leftovers and happen to just give to us...and at the point in which we were doing well, the local bakery stopped having leftovers. Mostly, the faith, prayer, dependence on the Lord, and love taught to us by these amazing people I am honored to call my parents. Times were tough and times are still sometimes tough. A giving of self in obedience to a Higher calling that I know one day awaits for them many jewels on that crown. There was never a word from them of doubt in the provisions of God....never a harsh word I heard in frustration towards the Lord (although I'm sure there might have been some in private)...ALWAYS a knowing and teaching that God will provide...trust.

Many of us don't know what this kind of life looks like....the financial blessings are rich in our lives. I admit as an adult I've not faced this lack of knowing where the next meal might come. But, I ask myself...the richness of the Lord in full evidence. Is it worth the sacrifice? Is it worth the obedience? Is it worth the pain? I know deep in my heart that the answer is a resounding, yes! For through the fire, we are refined...molded into who He is and stripped of all that is us.

I know the end of the Book...things aren't going to get easier....are you ready to trust in ways you've never known? To have that undying faith to know that no matter what, God will provide? Our family is personally facing a moment in which we are following a path of obedience and having to trust in Him...in His timing, in His perfect plan for us. I'm excited to share of the provisions He provides and the Glory all due His name....

And to think, it was because of those amazing people I am honored to call my parents....where would I be without them and the example they laid before me. For I'm sure they would not have preferred to have life that much of a struggle, but what they don't realize is the amazing depth of God's provision I saw and their modeling to me the unmeasurable trust and faith in God....for He's truly good all the time. Good and bad times...He's faithful. That's what they taught me.

Back Home!!

I'm back from my vacation with my best friend & oh, it was wonderful!! I had an absolutely marvelous time with my friend Sharalee. What a blessing and treasure she is to me! It was something we both really needed. And, Levi did awesome!! Here are some pictures I thought you'd like to see of our fun outings!!!!

we went to Oceanside for some burgers at Ruby's on the boardwalk

My sweet boy with Sharalee...what a great picture. Aren't they both gorgeous?!
Ruby's behind us.
Mama & Levi...He was a trooper being shuttled all around.
Exhausted & finally fell asleep.....

It was a fabulous trip and I just cherished every moment. I truly missed my boys and Dan though & it was a wonderful homecoming!! I'll be catching up on your blogs and enjoying your lives as soon as I get caught up!!

Flyin' Away...

I am SO excited! It's been quite a fun week for me & it has only just begun. I'm flying away to California tomorrow to visit my best friend and I'M SO EXCITED!! Did I mention that already?!

Anyway, I will be far away from blogs and email for a few days and enjoying some girl time of pedicures, talking, eating, shopping....I mean makeup & purse shopping! :-)...Most importantly, just spending time with my very dear friend.

Talk to you all when I return!!

Showing off...

I know..are you all shocked! Two posts in one day!!

So, remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about stressful darts? Well, this was the result of the stress. See how quickly I can put a smile back on my face?!

What a blessing from the Lord! He's given us such little joys!! Thanks for letting me show off!

A night to remember....

I love surprises.....I love planning surprises for others, but I love them for me personally too. Honestly, I have to admit, I love being the center of attention....and all my friends and family can say a hearty..AMEN!

So, a few days ago when my husband told me he had a surprise for me...I was ecstatic! I didn't know much because well...he didn't tell me much. As time went on I knew we were going to dinner without any of the kiddos and that is a rare treat these days! We went to one of my favorite spots here...where I enjoyed my most favorite meal of a hamburger (bun less, of course!), fries and a chocolate malt. We then returned to pick up Levi (since I'm still nursing him) and still didn't know where we were going. We drove to this place here in town where we enjoyed an amazingly cherished evening free of most responsibility and just resting. People, it was exactly what I needed...exactly.

The best part for me though was being with my love...AND, HE PLANNED EVERYTHING!! Every girl's dream...at least this girl's dream!!

Daniel, thank you SO, SO much for the delightful time and for making it so special for me. Thank you for loving me and showing me your love. I treasure, respect, and love you so very dearly.

A surprise....

When you're told that you need to pack yourself and your kids and be prepared for an evening out on the town WITHOUT ANY KIDS because they'll be at Grammie's house and then to top that off, you're told that we'll be going back to Grammie's house to pick up our little baby and then the 3 of us are going away overnight you have to say....WHAT AN INCREDIBLY AWESOME HUSBAND!!

More to come because tonight is this surprise........He knows how much I treasure & cherish this kind of time with him...CAN'T WAIT!!

Whatever could it be???????

A renewed strength.....

"Every day is fresh & new with no mistakes in it...yet." Quote from Anne of Green Gables..........

My body sits here, stuck at 44lbs lost....28 1/2 inches no longer there....5% body fat disappeared and I've sat at this exact spot for the last month. No movement except maybe that of a little gain here and there only to lose that same weight again.

Why is it that the numbers on the scale have such a hold over us? That's the big difference in this program I've been doing this go around. It's not about the numbers on the scale, it's about how you feel and how your clothes are feeling...but I'm still a numbers girl. It would seem as if the numbers on that scale depict how I feel about myself or truly how I feel. But, it's wrong....

Last week was just an emotional week for me and I ran, no I sprinted towards food as I always seem to do. I had pizza, licorice, cake, many more coffees than I should, and for the most part I ate pretty well, other than those few items listed above...:-( Much to my credit though, I exercised...almost every day I ran 2 miles. But, it's amazing how our bodies work. It takes both eating well & exercise to make this body drop weight.

But, each day is fresh and new with no mistakes in it..yet! So, I start again with a new found commitment to really working on my health and having the best body and health that God desires for me to have. Again, it goes way deeper than the food, but God reminds me that each day...sometimes each moment is fresh and new with a renewed strength that only comes from Him.

Come Lord Jesus.....

I hear the sound of rain as it beats against our windows.....snow is on its way, at least they say. I'm ready for this winter season to pass...I'm ready for the flowers to bloom, the buds on the trees to blossom, the warm air to brush my face. I'm ready to move on.....

Imagine that our same anticipation of Christ's return should be. Imagine if we desired for it to be here now...we know it will be here soon, but are we excited, desperate for its arrival at this very moment?

Time comes and goes....soon the warm season will be over and I'll again be facing the cold, winter months...it often reminds me of always wanting something better or different. They say, "The grass is always greener...or....we always want what we can't have." But, not for me...not in this one fact...

Heaven...the grass is so, so much greener and I can have it...soon! So, as I watch in anticipation as I see spring time just beyond my reach and as I know that winter will soon come again I remember deeply in my heart that His return is so very near and I say, "Come Lord Jesus, come..."

My love of bags...

Ok, so you all know my love for purses...well, I came across this website called The Right Baby Gear and since I'm still in that phase of "baby stuff" I would LOVE this diaper bag! This is SO, SO, SO me! I love any type of cute bag! So, I'm trying to win this diaper bag in a contest they are having, so go check it out if you want to, but you can't register to win because if you do then that's one less chance I'll have of winning! HA! Just kidding......But, I thought you might want to check it out & plus my blogging about it is part of their rules for being put in the drawing.....

Have a wonderful & blessed day & thanks for always stopping by! It means a lot to me!! A new challenge....for all those who read it but never leave a comment, please do...I'd love to hear from you! That's part of the fun of doing a blog!!

Tootles!

Our relationship with Christ....

I wrote about stressful darts the other day. Darts that I threw towards my husband and children amidst my stressful moment. I was convicted. But, nothing held a candle to the conviction I had after attending our "Love & Respect" class that following Friday evening at our church.

We've been reading through a book called "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and as difficult as it has been on my own internal, selfish pride & right to have it my way, it has been an incredible book. I would highly recommend it to any of you, no matter how long or short of time you've been married.

That evening at class Dr. Eggerichs spoke about the exact "lashing out" that I had done the previous week. He talked about how our spouse isn't necessarily always the cause of why we are lashing out, but God uses our spouse in our lives to reveal what's on the inside. It was an "ah-ha" moment for me. That was exactly what happened & honestly it wasn't pretty. Then he said this following quote...

"In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ."

I've always known that my marriage needs to be on the Solid Rock and foundation of Jesus Christ, but the way he worded it really grabbed my heart. You see, my relationship with Jesus Christ has been neglected a bit and I realized there in was the problem. I was trying to "figure things out" myself and discovered that as important as I thought working on my reaction was to things or how my husband was approaching things, it's all about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ...period.

My personal relationship with Jesus.....From that flows streams of Living Water. When you're in His Word and in prayer your heart turns to His ways and obedience that He desires and you remember that the Word and our relationship with Christ is our manual for life.

If I'm not taking care of the most important love relationship that I have with my Lord and Savior...the One in Whom I've given ultimately my heart to, then I will never succeed in my marriage.

All of Him...less of Me...Life. "He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me." It's all through Christ and that love relationship with Him and from that will flow amazing desire to love your spouse and walk this journey with them in the exact way that He designed for it to be.

Baking Blunders...

We're going to our final study at church tonight & we are having a potluck....

I decide to bake & bring Peanut butter Fingers...yummy!

While making my first batch, I decide I need to double it..there are lots of people in the class....

At 20min. I check if they are done only to mysteriously discover that the cookies are boiling over in my stove...urgg....

At 28min. I take them out....they've sunk & something isn't right.....

Oh, I put Baking powder in them instead of Baking soda......2 batches wasted....

Start again by making another batch.....I got it this time....We are ok....Breathe....

27min. later....WHAT?! Same thing again.....what's going on.....

Check the recipe in more detail......

Oh, I missed the part about adding flour......thus, this episode is the reason I really, really, dislike baking or for that matter, cooking....

3 cubes of butter later....a whole jar of peanut butter....3 eggs...and a bunch of other ingredients and my husband is so kindly picking some more stuff up for me to try yet one more time again.....

At least this batch, I'll have plenty of flour......

Monkey Buziness...

Today I was able to take my boys on a special venture to a place here in our city called Monkey Buziness. For those of you who have never heard of this, it's a huge warehouse of indoor blow up, jumping castles and big slides and my boys LOVE it! I told them we were meeting a friend of theirs to play with and we have been counting down "the sleeps" (that's how we gage how many days until a fun event or any event for that matter) until this glorious event for them.

We get there & they are off! Jumping, playing, darting here & there and then time passes and it's time to leave. We're about ready to head out the door and my sweet Benjamin says,

"Mama, so where are the monkey's?"..............Ah, the preciousness of a pure & sweet heart...you got to love it!!

On another side note....THANK YOU to you all for your amazing comments you've left in my last blog, A little inspiration. You brought encouragement to my heart and I appreciate so dearly the words of love you shared with me...I've never met you & yet you ministered to me & lifted my spirits. Thank you for being my dear, blog friends.....To my Mama & Daddy, thank you for your sweet and loving comments and for always loving me no matter what. You truly are a daughter's greatest joy...I cherish you both so deeply.

A little inspiration...

My blog friend Sarah inspired me with her writing today because well...I know exactly her journey. Sometimes because of my journey & struggle with weight, I can appreciate her journey more than the average person; even though one can only be but proud when one achieves this goal.

I still remember where I was, who told me, and what I felt the first time someone called me "fat."

There are many people in this world that struggle with weight, but there are some of us that have a real addiction...it goes beyond eating & obsession...you see, I've been obese. It's a battle within us - a daily sometimes even momentarily dying to self. We all have our "thorns" as Paul in the Word describes, but being overweight is mine.

We pulled out some home videos of our family recently and were watching them & I was mortified...humiliated...embarrassed. Why didn't some one tell me how out of control I'd gotten?...that was my immediate response, followed by tears, and shame. When you're in those shoes you don't often see it yourself. It was no one else's fault but my own. My decisions...my choice.

Today, I read my friend Sarah's posting and was touched, because I understand. I finished reading her post and went over to the stove where I had just finished baking chocolate chip cookies and after having one, I wanted two. I stood there and the battle began...Sarah's posting was very fresh in my mind and I said inside to myself..."It's not worth it, Earen"....and I began to cry. You see...it's an addiction...it's a battle....it's a giving up of the flesh and letting my Spirit man rise up within me and be victorious. I took the two cookies I had just freshly baked and threw them down the sink drain as tears were streaming down my face. "Why am I crying?" "Pull yourself together Earen, it's just a cookie!" But you see...it's not.

That cookie represents every piece of junk I've ever eaten...every piece of garbage I've put in my body....the destruction that I allowed to be set in motion....It represents the flesh. The tears stream down and I battle to hold on to all that I love...yet I've been loving myself falsely. This isn't love...but now I sacrifice. Laying all "I want" at the feet of Jesus, to have more of Him..to be more like Him.

A small victory through Christ was achieved here today and I might have to cross this barrier again soon, but it goes very deep for me. The reality of the struggle goes deep to my core. But then I remember...I have the power of the living Christ inside of me! The HOPE of glory, the resurrected Christ, the GREAT I AM, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! And the reality of who I am returns to my heart. I am His and He is mine. This weight might be my battle for the time being, but the victory belongs to the Lord...to the Glory of His name.

Sarah, I thank you for sharing in the amazing way that you write. For today the Lord used you to remind me that it's not worth it and to keep persevering in this journey. For truly, I understand and am so proud of you....